Depression and its current affects on me

Chuck

Chuck

Well-known member
Most old school rage members already know this, but I have depression. Many here have heard me bitch and moan about life, and I don't want to be a bother anymore, but I find I am facing many real challenges lately.
My mind have been in the fog for nearly two decades now... that's pretty much nothing new. Low energy and motivation, that always brought me down. I tried to exercise more often per doctor's orders, but the muscle tightness and sourness just drove my anxiety to the roof.
I wouldn't pretend my life have been absolutely lame since I returned to Hong Kong in 2009. Fact is, no matter how I try to convince myself otherwise, it's been pretty darn decent. Afterall, it was during this time that my Shiba Inu Mickey and girlfriend Bobo entered my life. The happiness they brought to me nearly cured my depression, but as with everything, with time, it brought me a ton of stress that I currently don’t know how to handle.

Mickey have always been there for me through thick and thin. Time and time again, his unconditional love for me reminded me how life is worth living. Even prevented me from committing suicide once when it seemed like he knew and cried like I never heard before. For years, he have been my single most (before I met my girlfriend) pride and joy, and now, rather unexpectedly, I get the most shocking news he has stage 3 cancer. The grief is just overwhelming. Not only is it making me a weepy mess, I find I am being overly snappy for no apparent reason. So much so it seems I can no longer tolerate my unhappiness at work. Pretty positive I will quit in the coming months.

My relationship have been going rather smoothly and my girlfriend makes sure to support me however she can, and we are looking to renovate our home and planning the next chapter of our life together. However, just when I was making proposal plans, I get the sad news about my dog’s cancer. Is it even right to propose when I am absolutely miserable? I just feel conflicted making plans that should bring me the utmost happiness when my most beloved best pal is dying. I love my girlfriend and want to marry her. I mean, is it even right to drag things along like this? I feel like a zombie dragging myself around the place right now.

What will you guys do if you were me? :confused:
 
Fist off, I'm so sorry about the dog. That said, you've come a long way it seems, and your girl seems to be good for you. Use this time to see how she reacts to your pain. If she's sympathetic, and understands what you're going through. Slap a ring on it.
 
Lost my cat last year and a bud lost his big boxer dog. The only thing I know that helps in these cases is simply to get another pet. Their lives are too short.

Put that ring on its collar when you get it and make that day you adopt it an even better one...
 
not sure I can give advice here, as I don't really suffer that kind of depression. I get the kind that makes me lethargic, lazy, unmotivated... but not really sad, low-self-esteem, thoughts of suicide or anything like that. Deep down I think I'm awesome and I want to live forever... even if I'm often not making the most of life.

Things that often pull me out of my low-motivation funks include exercise and building things. Jogging & skateboarding for exercise. Building furniture, bookshelves, arcade cabinets, electronic projects, etc. Diving deep into those kinds of creative projects is often just what I needed. btw, I work as a designer, so you'd think I'd get plenty of creative outlet from that, but I've been doing it for a decade and I currently design enterprise software (which can be a bit soul-killing), and honestly I think that anything you do for a living for a long enough time becomes monotonous.
 
pax said:
Lost my cat last year and a bud lost his big boxer dog. The only thing I know that helps in these cases is simply to get another pet. Their lives are too short.

Put that ring on its collar when you get it and make that day you adopt it an even better one...
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Oh you ****ing romantic you! Puppy engagement. I like it.
 
SubCog said:
not sure I can give advice here, as I don't really suffer that kind of depression. I get the kind that makes me lethargic, lazy, unmotivated... but not really sad, low-self-esteem, thoughts of suicide or anything like that. Deep down I think I'm awesome and I want to live forever... even if I'm often not making the most of life.

Things that often pull me out of my low-motivation funks include exercise and building things. Jogging & skateboarding for exercise. Building furniture, bookshelves, arcade cabinets, electronic projects, etc. Diving deep into those kinds of projects is often just what I needed.
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Didn't read the wall of text. I feel you. I normally don't either.
 
Greasy said:
Didn't read the wall of text. I feel you. I normally don't either.
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:lol: :lol:

btw, I did read the OP, and I replied with the best advice I felt I could offer. As I stated though, my ability to offer good advice here is limited. I'm not a pet owner, and frankly don't really understand people who get super attached to pets. My advice in that area would usually just be "maybe get a new dog?"... as dogs are all pretty interchangeable to me. :p :p
 
Sorry about your dog. Try to get another one. They won’t replace the current one but will bring the happiness you need to get through.

As for girlfriend, she is also a person. Some may say more important than a dog (maybe) and she needs that ring. Propose and it is the right thing to do as she has stood by you for years now.

The two are unrelated events and one should not impact the other.
 
I don't know about you guys but not sure how you can just get another pet. Throughout my life i can think of 3 animals i ever really loved and every time after each i told myself i will never get a pet again because they don't live long and dealing with their deaths is just too difficult. We lost our dog last year and i just can't imagine getting another one, i know i will compare them and feel it won't fill that gap. I can inly imagine what Chuck must be going through feeling like he does and now having to deal with this
 
Just gonna throw this out there because i can't remember following the previous threads, but have you been tested for the 101+ autoimmune disorders that present in a similar fashion, the prolonged brain fog is a huge red flag?

Have a look at fibromyalgia, autism, lymes and Chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) as starting points, there's a lot of curable illnesses out there that GPs miss.

Some may not be curable but the management techniques differ.
 
My 2 cents:


Exercise, specifically cardio (running), does wonders for mental health. I know this one first hand -- during COVID I was going stir crazy after a decade of perpetual travel, now being forced to reconnect with my wife. It was a tough time, we are rock solid now but I believe training for half marathons and marathons cleared my mind and improved my mental health daily.

Dogs, our loyal, loving companions are short lived with or without cancer. Love him for the time that is left, grieve and get another one. Rinse repeat for the rest of your life -- remember, you probably have the time for 5-6 more. Their little lives are short.

Others (people or animals) should not (cannot) be the source of your happiness. You need to find happiness internally.
 
switchAMG said:
My 2 cents:


Exercise, specifically cardio (running), does wonders for mental health. I know this one first hand -- during COVID I was going stir crazy after a decade of perpetual travel, now being forced to reconnect with my wife. It was a tough time, we are rock solid now but I believe training for half marathons and marathons cleared my mind and improved my mental health daily.

Dogs, our loyal, loving companions are short lived with or without cancer. Love him for the time that is left, grieve and get another one. Rinse repeat for the rest of your life -- remember, you probably have the time for 5-6 more. Their little lives are short.

Others (people or animals) should not (cannot) be the source of your happiness. You need to find happiness internally.
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That's where i was kinda going in the earlier post, pharmaceuticals and exercise can actually exacerbate or mask at best the root cause, so doctors should always eliminate all possible causes before handing out pharmaceuticals.
(I also forgot to mention earlier it's worth getting your testosterone levels checked, this is a bit of a tough one because the standard levels are a bit like BMI, they're very sort of approximates).
 
Just want to echo switch here. Dogs are amazing for mental health. I was in a dark place for a while, and my pup is maybe the only reason I'm still around. I truly believe dogs make us better people.
 
I feel ya. I've been in various stages of depression for 2 years.

In Summer of 2020 I got laid off from my dream job, then 2 days after xmas that year my dog passed away out of nowhere, 4 months after that my aunt passed away from Cancer (they didn't find it till it had spread to her blood), and 2 weeks ago to the day my grandfather, who was one of my heroes growing up, passed away unexpectedly.

I'd like to tell you a way to make it easier, but there isn't any. Life just sucks nuts, and sometimes it's your turn to get on your knees.

But I agree with the others, 100% get another dog. It does help.
 
Lost my cat due to cancer last September. My office was basically her room as I spent a lot of time in there and she wanted to be with me. Toward the end, I actually slept on the floor with her in there. The day I took her to the vet for the last time, an enormous part of my heart stayed behind. It still hasn't come back. I still can't spend much time in that office and her litterbox is still in there along with her water bowl and all that. I literally tear up just thinking about her and looking at photos. The mere mention of her name also still brings tears to my eyes.

I have two other cats. They do help comedy wise, but during moments of downtime and self reflection, nothing can replace her and I find myself still feeling gutted.

So sure, get another dog, but don't expect it to make everything better. Nothing will help that but time, and time is an asshole. Literally everything else just serves as a means to take your mind off things until time has run its course and you can learn to live a better life. If you feel like you've grieved enough, do whatever you can to put it out of your mind.
 
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