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Old Nov 2, 2021, 12:37 PM   #1
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Default Homeless guy keeps stopping by my house

There's a middle-age homeless guy who goes by "Manny" who stops by sometimes to chat with me. Once or twice per week, he'll knock on my door and linger for a couple minutes to wait for me to come out, and chat me up for 10 minutes or so, before going off on his way. He's very friendly, and I like the guy. He does odd jobs for various people in the neighborhood, in return for cash or old electronic gadgets for him to tinker with. I guess he likes to repair things and then gift them to people he knows.

He's certainly got some developmental problems, but he seems to take reasonable care of himself. When he stops by, he mostly talks to me about various projects he's working on... albeit alot of what he says is a bit incoherent. He often references things in his life that I don't know anything about, and seems to have difficulty understanding that I don't know what he's talking about, or framing a conversation to be appropriate for the person he's talking to.

Lately though he's been knocking on my door at inappropriate times of day (11:00pm, for example), wanting to chat about whatever he's thinking about that day. I've told him that's too late for us, and I'm not sure that he's understood. He's not threatening or anything... just inappropriate.

He asked recently if he could borrow a cordless drill. I have an old one that I haven't used in years, I gave it to him and told him he doesn't need to return it. He's asked a couple of times to leave landscaping tools in my front yard, and comes to pick them up the following day. I'm currently keeping 4 weedwackers for him, and he's supposed to pick them up this morning. He also asked to borrow some money for bus fair once (it was late at night), and I gave him a $20, as it was the only cash I had on me.

We came home from an outing this week and found him cleaning a mini-fridge in our driveway with our hose. I told him he needs to ask before he uses my stuff. He can't just come on our property and use our stuff while we're not home. He seems to understand, although I'm not 100% sure.

I called the police department this week. Not to file a complaint, but just to ask for advice. I said I'm concerned that he seems to be escalating things, asking for things and favors more and more frequently, and that I just wanted some advice about dealing with homeless people... I don't want to automatically assume they're dangerous or whatever, but I do need to keep my family safe and I don't want to take on any responsibility for him. I can imagine a scenario where he someday asks if he can pitch a tent in our yard, or perhaps just assumes it's okay. The officer I spoke with explained that this is a common issue with homeless people in my area, where they build relationships with people in the neighborhood and eventually start to feel more and more entitled, and eventually become a nuisance. The officer says it's basically the same problem you get from feeding animals, and recommends that people tell homeless people to stay off their property.

I don't mind that Manny stops by and talks to me sometimes, and I am mostly okay with allowing him to stash tools on my driveway overnight on occasion, but I don't want it to escalate to the point where he feels like he can just come on my property whenever he wants, use my stuff without asking, borrow tools or ask for money, etc. I don't want to be a jerk with him, but I'm afraid I might have to ask him to stay away completely if he can't understand the boundaries that I've set.

Anybody have any experience with homeless people? Any advice?
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 12:48 PM   #2
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I wouldn’t have indulged in the first place but that’s just me. Coming from Pakistan this would be highly inappropriate for me to continue having visits. I am all for helping out with whatever I can (food, drink, money) when I can but I know that sometimes the people need support and I won’t be able to do it Justice or go all in so I would not engage in conversations or allow storing stuff etc.

Given where you are I would assume that he will not understand the boundaries. You need to toughen up and stop engaging him. For example when he showed at 11 PM it would be totally fine to say, sorry I can’t speak to you right now. Firm but not rude. Similarly, when he comes to pick up tools, asking him to find an alternative spot to store them in the future. Start distancing yourself or be ready to commit extra time. I don’t know what the poor fella has going on in his life but I know I don’t have time for it and hence, I cannot be all in.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 12:49 PM   #3
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Being in LA myself homelessness is definitely an issue and I would say to cut ties with the guy as soon as possible. He seems like a nice guy but the next thing you know it you are going to be out on vacation and he will be in your house thinking you guys are good friends and hes house sitting for you and you now have a squatter.

At this point I think(if I were in your situation) it has gotten too far where he comes when he wants and even thinks he can come and use your hose like its nothing. I would think family first(I believe you have kids) and let this guy know he cant come anymore.

It seems a little inhumane to just cut ties with the guy especially since you generally just want to help him but more often than not these homeless people are snakes in the grass.

Edit: Also him being able to leave stuff on your property is a big no no. Especially with squatter laws and people can say they stay there if they have their stuff on your property.

Oh and get some cameras for the outside of your house. One of the best things I have so I generally know whats going on when no one is home. You seem to need them now.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 12:55 PM   #4
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My hunch is that him not being able to understand the boundaries you're trying to set is most of this, but I can't really say I understand the symptoms you describe or would know the best way forward for you. It's clear that you don't want to just stop him from coming by, so I think finding a way to establish some sort of boundaries would probably be the best route forward.


To that end, maybe talking to someone with direct experience working with people with mental illness/developmental disabilities and getting some strategies from them. Someone like a social worker, a special ed teacher, or a psychologist - do you think you know one that could offer some pointers? There may also be free resources available - I would imagine mostly aimed at parents of kids with these sorts of issues - that could give you some techniques to lay out the boundary in a way he understands.


If it comes to telling him to stay off your property, that can still be an option, but I think it's worth pursing other avenues still, and it sounds like that's still what you're looking for.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 01:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logical View Post
Being in LA myself homelessness is definitely an issue and I would say to cut ties with the guy as soon as possible. He seems like a nice guy but the next thing you know it you are going to be out on vacation and he will be in your house thinking you guys are good friends and hes house sitting for you and you now have a squatter.

At this point I think(if I were in your situation) it has gotten too far where he comes when he wants and even thinks he can come and use your hose like its nothing. I would think family first(I believe you have kids) and let this guy know he cant come anymore.

It seems a little inhumane to just cut ties with the guy especially since you generally just want to help him but more often than not these homeless people are snakes in the grass.


Oh and get some cameras for the outside of your house. One of the best things I have so I generally know whats going on when no one is home. You seem to need them now.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 01:09 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KAC View Post
I wouldn’t have indulged in the first place but that’s just me. Coming from Pakistan this would be highly inappropriate for me to continue having visits. I am all for helping out with whatever I can (food, drink, money) when I can but I know that sometimes the people need support and I won’t be able to do it Justice or go all in so I would not engage in conversations or allow storing stuff etc.

Given where you are I would assume that he will not understand the boundaries. You need to toughen up and stop engaging him. For example when he showed at 11 PM it would be totally fine to say, sorry I can’t speak to you right now. Firm but not rude. Similarly, when he comes to pick up tools, asking him to find an alternative spot to store them in the future. Start distancing yourself or be ready to commit extra time. I don’t know what the poor fella has going on in his life but I know I don’t have time for it and hence, I cannot be all in.
I didn't know he was homeless when he first started coming around. We live in a mostly mexican neighborhood, and people are very open and friendly here. Lots of neighbors come chat me up if I'm working in my driveway, ask me about whatever projects I'm working on, etc. I like that about the neighborhood.

Manny doesn't necessarily seem like a homeless guy. He's mostly well-kept, usually rides a bicycle, seems very friendly. It's clear that there's something "off" about him. He reminds me of a guy I knew growing up, my best friend's little brother who had some developmental issues. Maybe that's partly why I've taken a liking to him? Anyways, I didn't figure out he was homeless until later... I guess I assumed he lived with his parents or something.

I definitely feel the need to establish MUCH stronger boundaries since finding out he's homeless.

---------------

FYI, I have security cameras on the front of my house, and I've made this very clear to Manny.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 01:14 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by logical View Post
Being in LA myself homelessness is definitely an issue and I would say to cut ties with the guy as soon as possible. He seems like a nice guy but the next thing you know it you are going to be out on vacation and he will be in your house thinking you guys are good friends and hes house sitting for you and you now have a squatter.
It's something I've considered. I don't think it's going to happen, but it's a worst-case scenario.

Quote:
Originally Posted by logical View Post
At this point I think(if I were in your situation) it has gotten too far where he comes when he wants and even thinks he can come and use your hose like its nothing. I would think family first(I believe you have kids) and let this guy know he cant come anymore.
Yup. I've got small children at home, and I've had to tell them not to answer the door for people. I don't think Manny is dangerous, but you just never really know for sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by logical View Post
Edit: Also him being able to leave stuff on your property is a big no no. Especially with squatter laws and people can say they stay there if they have their stuff on your property.
Excellent point. I'll let him know he can't store stuff here anymore.

Quote:
Originally Posted by logical View Post
Oh and get some cameras for the outside of your house. One of the best things I have so I generally know whats going on when no one is home. You seem to need them now.
Yup, I've got security cameras on the front of my house. May want to get some for the back too though.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 01:16 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaJMasta View Post
My hunch is that him not being able to understand the boundaries you're trying to set is most of this, but I can't really say I understand the symptoms you describe or would know the best way forward for you. It's clear that you don't want to just stop him from coming by, so I think finding a way to establish some sort of boundaries would probably be the best route forward.


To that end, maybe talking to someone with direct experience working with people with mental illness/developmental disabilities and getting some strategies from them. Someone like a social worker, a special ed teacher, or a psychologist - do you think you know one that could offer some pointers? There may also be free resources available - I would imagine mostly aimed at parents of kids with these sorts of issues - that could give you some techniques to lay out the boundary in a way he understands.


If it comes to telling him to stay off your property, that can still be an option, but I think it's worth pursing other avenues still, and it sounds like that's still what you're looking for.
Yes. I like the guy, and I do enjoy our chats. I just don't want him coming at inappropriate times, and I don't want to put myself into any position where I have to take responsibility for him. It may be that I need to tell him to stay away completely, but I am conflicted as I would prefer to just enforce strong boundaries.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 01:28 PM   #9
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Additional details:

Sometimes it's hard to figure out what he's talking about, but from what I gather over several conversations:
  • His dad was murdered 30 years ago. Or disappeared. Manny thinks his dad was "whacked".
  • His dad had married a woman who Manny thinks conned him out of a bunch of $$ and property. A few years after his dad disappeared, something similar happened to the wife. I'm not sure about this part of the story, and frankly I don't think Manny really knows either.
  • His dad owned a handful of houses in the neighborhood, including the one he and his wife lived in 30 years ago. Manny suspects that the wife stole all the properties from him, and then maybe had him killed? It's hard for me to know what to think of this part of the story.
  • Manny has recently taken control of the house his dad had lived in. It sounds like it's been abandoned for decades (there are a few houses like that throughout this neighborhood), but maybe there were some other people squatting in it until recently? Manny says that he legally owns the house now... I kindof doubt that the city agrees with him. But he's apparently doing some repairs on the house and plans to live in it full-time. Not sure whether he's already moved in or not.
  • He keeps telling me about a case he's putting together for the District Attorney. Since he's gotten into his dad's old house, he's been able to get access to alot of papers that prove that he owns the house, and others around the neighborhood. Manny believes that once he gets these papers organized and submits them to the DA, that the court will award him several houses. I find this point difficult to believe, as I doubt he has the mental faculties to make this case, nor does he have resources to hire an attorney (he says he's got one on a pro-bono basis). Even if he did get the houses, I don't see how he could pay the decades of back-taxes, or even the current taxes necessary to keep them. I think the best-case scenario would be to take control of the houses, sell them all to pay the back-taxes, and then maybe have a social worker set up a trust for him? All of that sounds like an extreme long-shot though... and frankly I doubt much of his story anyway.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 02:53 PM   #10
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Does the city have a social worker that you can get in touch with to help here?
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 06:11 PM   #11
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Does the city have a social worker that you can get in touch with to help here?
I'm sure San Jose has social workers.

I don't know how I'd get them in touch with him. He doesn't have a phone number, at least he hasn't given it to me. I also don't know where he lives beyond "down town". He says he's moving into his dad's house, but I also don't know where that is either. He just stops by my house randomly, sometimes going multiple weeks without a visit, although lately it's been nearly daily.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 06:13 PM   #12
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He came and picked up his weedwackers today. He showed up just as I was leaving to pick up my son from school, so I couldn't talk very long to him, but I did tell him pretty sternly that he can't store stuff on my property anymore. The weedwackers were gone when I returned. Next time I see him I'll set some further boundaries, like not showing up late at night. I may eventually tell him not to come back at all, but I don't think it's fully necessary yet.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 08:08 PM   #13
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He came and picked up his weedwackers today. He showed up just as I was leaving to pick up my son from school, so I couldn't talk very long to him, but I did tell him pretty sternly that he can't store stuff on my property anymore. The weedwackers were gone when I returned. Next time I see him I'll set some further boundaries, like not showing up late at night. I may eventually tell him not to come back at all, but I don't think it's fully necessary yet.
You should just move and not tell him. Problem solved.

I kid. But it does sound like some clear boundaries are needed, especially with someone like him who appears to have some mental issues. A lot of homeless people are homeless because of a combination of substance abuse and addictions, and mental issues, which may have been caused or exacerbated by the substance issues. And over time they've burned a lot of bridges because family and friends either can't or won't deal with them any more, for a myriad of reasons. And maybe they've been in and out of various rehab or detox programs and can't or won't stay on the wagon.

I've met various homeless over the years and have even taken in people who were homeless or would have been homeless otherwise. And I've lived with lots of different kinds of people. In some instances I've tried to help and have been burned badly.

In some cases homeless people have overwhelming health issues which prevent them from being able to hold jobs, which means they can't afford health insurance which means they can't get the expensive meds or treatments they need, which means they can't really ever get back on their feet. And if they don't have any family to fall back on then, well, they're basically out of luck. Yeah our healthcare system is very screwed up and dysfunctional but that's its own thread.

But I think those cases are the minority. It seems like most cases are the result of years of abuse and burning bridges, to put it simply. In which case you should be on guard to protect your home and family because people in that situation literally have nothing to lose.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 08:13 PM   #14
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Sometimes it's hard to figure out what he's talking about, but from what I gather over several conversations:
  • His dad was murdered 30 years ago. Or disappeared. Manny thinks his dad was "whacked".
  • His dad had married a woman who Manny thinks conned him out of a bunch of $$ and property. A few years after his dad disappeared, something similar happened to the wife. I'm not sure about this part of the story, and frankly I don't think Manny really knows either.
  • His dad owned a handful of houses in the neighborhood, including the one he and his wife lived in 30 years ago. Manny suspects that the wife stole all the properties from him, and then maybe had him killed? It's hard for me to know what to think of this part of the story.
  • Manny has recently taken control of the house his dad had lived in. It sounds like it's been abandoned for decades (there are a few houses like that throughout this neighborhood), but maybe there were some other people squatting in it until recently? Manny says that he legally owns the house now... I kindof doubt that the city agrees with him. But he's apparently doing some repairs on the house and plans to live in it full-time. Not sure whether he's already moved in or not.
  • He keeps telling me about a case he's putting together for the District Attorney. Since he's gotten into his dad's old house, he's been able to get access to alot of papers that prove that he owns the house, and others around the neighborhood. Manny believes that once he gets these papers organized and submits them to the DA, that the court will award him several houses. I find this point difficult to believe, as I doubt he has the mental faculties to make this case, nor does he have resources to hire an attorney (he says he's got one on a pro-bono basis). Even if he did get the houses, I don't see how he could pay the decades of back-taxes, or even the current taxes necessary to keep them. I think the best-case scenario would be to take control of the houses, sell them all to pay the back-taxes, and then maybe have a social worker set up a trust for him? All of that sounds like an extreme long-shot though... and frankly I doubt much of his story anyway.
Very difficult to discern if any of that is true. As I said, if you have time to spare it might make sense. I personally don’t so I would’ve never indulged. For me it is not about nationality or personal status, it is about having time to invest in a relationship with an unknown individual. Call me transactional but I don’t have the time. It is same reason I don’t have pets or any other friend that is super needy whereas, I may or may not want to hang out with them.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 08:22 PM   #15
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Very difficult to discern if any of that is true. As I said, if you have time to spare it might make sense. I personally don’t so I would’ve never indulged. For me it is not about nationality or personal status, it is about having time to invest in a relationship with an unknown individual. Call me transactional but I don’t have the time. It is same reason I don’t have pets or any other friend that is super needy whereas, I may or may not want to hang out with them.
That makes sense. People are generally very messy, even under more or less good circumstances, and you have to walk that fine line of getting involved enough to help but not getting yourself into trouble.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 08:26 PM   #16
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In such situations the opportunity cost is too high. I would rather give out some money to help out than invest my time. Same time can be used in thousands of things that I enjoy for myself.

Anyways, best of luck. You did the right thing in trying to set the boundary. Let’s hope he respects that.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 09:04 PM   #17
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You should just move and not tell him. Problem solved.

I kid. But it does sound like some clear boundaries are needed, especially with someone like him who appears to have some mental issues. A lot of homeless people are homeless because of a combination of substance abuse and addictions, and mental issues, which may have been caused or exacerbated by the substance issues. And over time they've burned a lot of bridges because family and friends either can't or won't deal with them any more, for a myriad of reasons. And maybe they've been in and out of various rehab or detox programs and can't or won't stay on the wagon.

I've met various homeless over the years and have even taken in people who were homeless or would have been homeless otherwise. And I've lived with lots of different kinds of people. In some instances I've tried to help and have been burned badly.

In some cases homeless people have overwhelming health issues which prevent them from being able to hold jobs, which means they can't afford health insurance which means they can't get the expensive meds or treatments they need, which means they can't really ever get back on their feet. And if they don't have any family to fall back on then, well, they're basically out of luck. Yeah our healthcare system is very screwed up and dysfunctional but that's its own thread.

But I think those cases are the minority. It seems like most cases are the result of years of abuse and burning bridges, to put it simply. In which case you should be on guard to protect your home and family because people in that situation literally have nothing to lose.
Yup. Honestly I'm not sure whether it's even possible to help a middle-aged homeless person. I mean, if he were in his 20s, maybe there's be some potential for him to get medication, find a job, live in a half-way house, build life skills, etc. But if you hit a certain age living in a homeless life style, you're not going to be able to assimilate later.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 09:34 PM   #18
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I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that kind of **** here.
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 11:31 PM   #19
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I would propose to Manny about getting a social worker to help him with his case, and if he agrees, call the city up. You can arrange a day and time with Manny and the social worker, and try to go about it that way.

If he doesn't want help, I would explain that it's the only way you two can continue talking and that you're trying to help him. You may even be able to talk to a social worker that can explain the best ways to communicate this with him.

I applaud you for treating him like a human being. Seems to me that some in this thread would treat this man worse than a stray dog.

You'd be surprised how old someone can be and turn their lives around. The homeless guy that lived in the nearby park for most of my childhood eventually used the money and clothes we donated to him (my family along with at least 4-5 of my friends growing up) and ended up getting his CDL/trucking license and lives in California now. We helped turned his life around because we treated him like a human rather than turning a blind eye so we could continue being cogs in the machine..
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Old Nov 2, 2021, 11:51 PM   #20
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You should just move and not tell him. Problem solved.

I kid. But it does sound like some clear boundaries are needed, especially with someone like him who appears to have some mental issues. A lot of homeless people are homeless because of a combination of substance abuse and addictions, and mental issues, which may have been caused or exacerbated by the substance issues. And over time they've burned a lot of bridges because family and friends either can't or won't deal with them any more, for a myriad of reasons. And maybe they've been in and out of various rehab or detox programs and can't or won't stay on the wagon.

I've met various homeless over the years and have even taken in people who were homeless or would have been homeless otherwise. And I've lived with lots of different kinds of people. In some instances I've tried to help and have been burned badly.

In some cases homeless people have overwhelming health issues which prevent them from being able to hold jobs, which means they can't afford health insurance which means they can't get the expensive meds or treatments they need, which means they can't really ever get back on their feet. And if they don't have any family to fall back on then, well, they're basically out of luck. Yeah our healthcare system is very screwed up and dysfunctional but that's its own thread.

But I think those cases are the minority. It seems like most cases are the result of years of abuse and burning bridges, to put it simply. In which case you should be on guard to protect your home and family because people in that situation literally have nothing to lose.
This is something well meaning people need to be aware of. Some people will flat out take advantage of your generosity and then not only not appreciate it, but actually try to screw you over in the end. There may be other mitigating factors, like them being mentally ill (in other words, you can say it's not 100% their fault), but the practical end result is they are bad people. This is lesson that it is better not to learn firsthand, and yes I'm speaking unfortunately from experience.

The other unfortunate thing is that the most people in bad situations are those who are largely lost causes. Why? It's simple. Someone who falls on hard times but can be helped doesn't usually remain in that situation long. As lacking as our social safety net may be, there are programs in place to help people get back on their feet. So, the people who can be helped receive help one time and then they're no longer in that situation.

I definitely think that it's noble to help people in need, but one needs to maintain extreme vigilance against those who are just looking to take advantage. Also if you do try to help someone do it purely for altruistic reasons while being fully aware that it may not--probably won't--work, and don't even expect any sort of appreciation from the person.

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Old Nov 3, 2021, 03:14 AM   #21
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This is something well meaning people need to be aware of. Some people will flat out take advantage of your generosity and then not only not appreciate it, but actually try to screw you over in the end. There may be other mitigating factors, like them being mentally ill (in other words, you can say it's not 100% their fault), but the practical end result is they are bad people. This is lesson that it is better not to learn firsthand, and yes I'm speaking unfortunately from experience.

The other unfortunate thing is that the most people in bad situations are those who are largely lost causes. Why? It's simple. Someone who falls on hard times but can be helped doesn't usually remain in that situation long. As lacking as our social safety net may be, there are programs in place to help people get back on their feet. So, the people who can be helped receive help one time and then they're no longer in that situation.

I definitely think that it's noble to help people in need, but one needs to maintain extreme vigilance against those who are just looking to take advantage. Also if you do try to help someone do it purely for altruistic reasons while being fully aware that it may not--probably won't--work, and don't even expect any sort of appreciation from the person.
Exactly and I would add that they are not our responsibility individually. Some of them have genuine issues that are out of their control, but others are where they are due to making bad choices in their lives.

If you want to try and help them, fine but you need to be aware of the risks to yourself and your family should they decide one day to burn you. I won't tell anybody not to help them, however I wouldn't take the risk because I have no reason to trust them and plenty of reasons not to. It's not worth the risk to even engage in conversation with them most of the time.

When they approach me begging for money, I have no idea if they are intending to rob me or genuinely asking for money for food. Because of this, I treat them as a potential threat and am on guard when they approach me. I usually just tell them I don't carry cash and walk away but if they persist I get more aggressive to warn them off. Thankfully, I've only had to do the latter twice in my life and it worked both times.
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Old Nov 3, 2021, 07:03 AM   #22
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The other option could be that you can become a social worker. You are already on the path.
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Old Nov 3, 2021, 07:42 AM   #23
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And that is why I avoid homeless people close to my house. They will try to befriend you or something and then try their luck. Its a dangerous world out there. And I trust nobody

I understand Manny is not understanding everything.. but maybe tell the dude you can't be friends anymore.. your mom told you (lol).
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Old Nov 3, 2021, 02:18 PM   #24
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Or you can make Hard Target 3.
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Old Nov 4, 2021, 08:19 PM   #25
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Being homeless doesn't mean you are entitled to someone else's property.

Like how can you be sure he's a nice guy? By how he speaks to you?

Regardless I think you're trusting in a virtual stranger a bit too much. Everyone can act.

Next thing he'd feel entitled to come in your house invited, sit on your couch and catch a ball game with your family because apparently his didn't care to.

Call me selfish but you're putting everyone you love at risk here without clearly stating your boundaries.
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Old Nov 4, 2021, 08:27 PM   #26
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Being homeless doesn't mean you are entitled to someone else's property.

Like how can you be sure he's a nice guy? By how he speaks to you?

Regardless I think you're trusting in a virtual stranger a bit too much. Everyone can act.

Next thing he'd feel entitled to come in your house invited, sit on your couch and catch a ball game with your family because apparently his didn't care to.

Call me selfish but you're putting everyone you love at risk here without clearly stating your boundaries.
I've told him he can't store things on my property anymore, and that he needs to be more conscientious about what times he knocks on my door. I'll set additional boundaries as is necessary in the future.
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Old Nov 19, 2021, 10:12 PM   #27
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So, uh, how'd it turn out?
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Old Nov 19, 2021, 10:51 PM   #28
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SubCog is now homeless.
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Old Nov 19, 2021, 11:06 PM   #29
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Well I set some stronger boundaries, told him that he can't store anything on my property or come by at inappropriate times of day. Since then he's come by less often, maybe 3 times over the last couple weeks.

Each time he stops by he tries to give me some kind of gift. He brought a child's bicycle this morning, and I told him I can't take it. He was miffed, but I'm just not accepting gifts of any kind. Don't want to do anything that might make him think I owe him something. I had given him $20 for bus faire some time ago, and he keeps saying he's going to pay me back "tomorrow", I keep telling him no, he doesn't need to pay me back.

He keeps talking about giving me old computer stuff (30+ years old) from his dad's house. He insists that it's valuable and I'm a computer guy so I must want it, and I keep saying no.

He thinks I'm mad at him. I'm about ready to tell him not to come back again. I've got it under control now, but while I used to enjoy our conversations, the whole thing has become fairly negative, and I just don't need it in my life.

------

Honestly the whole thing is pretty disheartening. I want to be able to treat homeless people humanely, with dignity, etc. But you really can't help people without taking on responsibility for them, so you have to be careful how you engage. I'd like to think that we could just have friendly conversations (that's how it started), but it seems that it inevitably escalates. After speaking with knowledgeable people about it, it's disappointing to accept that the best policy is simply not to engage with homeless people at all.
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Old Nov 19, 2021, 11:37 PM   #30
bob saget
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mental health is really such a debilitating thing. It is super sad...


Is it possible to set up the hose with some motion detector so that whenever he comes close to your door or garage he gets hosed. Winter is coming and one good soak to the bones will teach this moocher a lesson.
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Gays if I had boyfriends your mums wouldn’t have produced your sorry asses.
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