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View Poll Results: In your experience, when women breakup/divorce do they have someone already lined up?
0% of the time 5 15.15%
10% of the time 0 0%
25% of the time 3 9.09%
50% of the time 4 12.12%
75% of the time 8 24.24%
90% of the time 9 27.27%
No experience, I'm a virgin. 4 12.12%
Voters: 33. You may not vote on this poll

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Old Jul 8, 2019, 04:54 PM   #1
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Progression
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Default In your experience, when women breakup/divorce do they have someone already lined up?

Anyhow a friend of mine is possibly getting divorced, she has already said she is looking for options to leave and is already staying at her gfs's houses overnights a couple of days during the week. She still goes back to their home once in a while but things sound rough.

She has provoked him a couple of times. My guess is she wants to provoke a reaction out of him to get an excuse to leave. She hasn't given an actual reason to leave nor has she asked for anything to change.

He never cheated, he is extraordinarily nice, he provides everything he can in terms of money, she spends far more than he does, she doesn't know how to drive so he takes her everywhere (including work). She never offered a reason to leave other than basically she "ain't feelin' it". He is absolutely not rich but he is above average in income and a decent looking dude, she isn't out of his league although she is objectively speaking better looking. They do have a rough time economically but still always meet their needs to live well.

She isn't dumb. In fact, she is likely smarter than him in a lot of ways. This got me thinking... I really do think she is either already seeing someone else or she already has someone else in mind. It doesn't make sense for someone to initiate a breakup if they don't have some sort of backup, either a job with a better pay or another dude who can provide. It specially doesn't make sense to initiate a breakup if the guy is providing your every need in terms of roof over your head, food, transportation, being kind and not being abusive in a physical or emotional way. She can't even drive herself around.

I've always thought she was of good character, however I've recently found she took a pretty large sum of money that didn't belong to her to pay for something and had her husband pay for it after. I've also found that her dad has a long history of breakups/divorces/cheating.

Anyhow, how often in your experience or your friends experiences do women already have another man lined up before initiating things? In my experience with 2 of my uncles it is 2 for 2. In both of those cases it came out over time that their wives were either already seeing someone else or had someone else in mind.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 05:07 PM   #2
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Some of my co-workers have gone through break-ups, and they 100% did not have anyone else lined up. One broke up after a lengthy relationship and ended up hopping from couch to couch for a few months before finding a place of her own; one got divorced and had to go back home before buying a place of her own. A third colleague ran into relationship trouble and worked through it, but was willing to end things if it hadn't worked out.

Neither of them had much of a fall-back plan as a cushion, they worked their way back up on their own or made the relationship work by putting in the effort. None of them relied on someone else to provide for them. They're beautiful, intelligent, strong, mature women who can take a punch and get back up again.

(I truly love the people I work with, if you couldn't tell from this shining endorsement.)
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 05:08 PM   #3
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I need to ask my wife...........

Alright, asked my wife, she said she'll tell me later.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 05:22 PM   #4
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Some of my co-workers have gone through break-ups, and they 100% did not have anyone else lined up. One broke up after a lengthy relationship and ended up hopping from couch to couch for a few months before finding a place of her own; one got divorced and had to go back home before buying a place of her own. A third colleague ran into relationship trouble and worked through it, but was willing to end things if it hadn't worked out.

Neither of them had much of a fall-back plan as a cushion, they worked their way back up on their own or made the relationship work by putting in the effort. None of them relied on someone else to provide for them. They're beautiful, intelligent, strong, mature women who can take a punch and get back up again.

(I truly love the people I work with, if you couldn't tell from this shining endorsement.)
That's great to hear. Were their husbands great guys and they were just not feeling the relationship anymore or were they abusive? I ask because I would imagine that would make a big difference.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 05:32 PM   #5
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I'm guessing 50%. Dunno though, as my old lady hasn't left me yet.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 05:33 PM   #6
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 06:02 PM   #7
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I'm guessing 50%. Dunno though, as my old lady hasn't left me yet.
It could be from friends or family experience.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 06:35 PM   #8
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In my experience, no. As someone who has a lot of female friends and family members, I don't know a single one who has left a relationship just to right away get back into one they had already been having or wanted to have with a specific person. I know people who have left relationships and then gotten into another one quickly, but it was never planned and they never had a person "in mind".

A former friend of mine dumped the best boyfriend she has ever had for some pretty dumb (and slightly hypocritical) reasons and stayed single for a while.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 06:52 PM   #9
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I put 25% because of three good friends of mine. One good friend was a guy who's wife had another guy in the wings. The other two good friends were a couple who seemed to do everything together, so when they split I was shocked to learn that both of them were having affairs. (I guess in a way they were compatible right down to the cheatin')

Mostly, though, I think people who were either not compatible to start with, or who just got sick of each other, hit some limit and just call it quits.

I left and divorced wifey #1, and neither of us had people in the wings, though we split and got back together two or three times over a 6-8 month period before I finally realized it was futile and pulled the plug.
When I almost left wifey #2, it was a combination of several things but another woman wasn't one of them. That she was blocking any chance I had of finding someone worthwhile was a big issue for me, but I wasn't actively looking. Luckily things turned out well-- not perfect-- and we had our 20th last year.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 08:00 PM   #10
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1.) GF Number 1 had no one lined up. She just blew up infront of everyone at the restaruant saying she was just taking advantage of me.

2.) GF Number 2 was alreadying ****ing another guy.

3.) GF Number 3 was already seeing someone who made double my income at the time she told me I didn't make the pay rate.

4.) GF number 4 was already ****ing the guy at work when they both started all the rumors about me. He's been fired and she took medical leave and was found out to be working elsewhere recently.

That's my experience.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 08:13 PM   #11
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She’s riding the new ding dong!
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 09:47 PM   #12
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In my experience, no. As someone who has a lot of female friends and family members, I don't know a single one who has left a relationship just to right away get back into one they had already been having or wanted to have with a specific person. I know people who have left relationships and then gotten into another one quickly, but it was never planned and they never had a person "in mind".

A former friend of mine dumped the best boyfriend she has ever had for some pretty dumb (and slightly hypocritical) reasons and stayed single for a while.
That's great. Yeah I've heard of quick rebounds as well. And this one could be the case too... maybe she doesn't care about how good she has it right now and would like to just dump everything off immediately.

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I put 25% because of three good friends of mine. One good friend was a guy who's wife had another guy in the wings. The other two good friends were a couple who seemed to do everything together, so when they split I was shocked to learn that both of them were having affairs. (I guess in a way they were compatible right down to the cheatin')

Mostly, though, I think people who were either not compatible to start with, or who just got sick of each other, hit some limit and just call it quits.

I left and divorced wifey #1, and neither of us had people in the wings, though we split and got back together two or three times over a 6-8 month period before I finally realized it was futile and pulled the plug.
When I almost left wifey #2, it was a combination of several things but another woman wasn't one of them. That she was blocking any chance I had of finding someone worthwhile was a big issue for me, but I wasn't actively looking. Luckily things turned out well-- not perfect-- and we had our 20th last year.
Yikes, the two of them having affairs is kinda funny though. Glad your marriage is still going strong, 20 years is a big deal. Good your first wife didn't have anyone lined up.

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1.) GF Number 1 had no one lined up.

2.) GF Number 2 was alreadying ****ing another guy.

3.) GF Number 3 was already seeing someone who made double my income at the time she told me I didn't make the pay rate.

4.) GF number 4 was already ****ing the guy at work when they both started all the rumors about me. He's been fired and she took medical leave and was found out to be working elsewhere recently.

That's my experience.
Jesus Hap, I don't know what to tell you. That's a string of horrible people. And yes, it's been my experience as well that a lot of ladies will have a ship to jump to before leaving a relationship (especially if it disturbs their economic wellbeing). Others here have had different outcomes though.
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She’s riding the new ding dong!
That's still what I'm leaning on as well. I don't see an smart lady just starting all this without a plan when she doesn't even have the economic means to get a new place and drive on her own to work, let alone buy a car.
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If you must listen to country [music], play it backwards. You get your woman back, the dog comes back to life, Momma pops out from under the train, and it stops raining. :)
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I'd bet it would be fun to do him up the ass.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 09:49 PM   #13
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Oh I forgot to mention, she lost a bunch of weight the last couple of months, and she has become notoriously more flirtatious. She also offered him a party of three (dude and/or girl), if you know what I mean. He somewhat turned that down and then she said she was just joking around.
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If you must listen to country [music], play it backwards. You get your woman back, the dog comes back to life, Momma pops out from under the train, and it stops raining. :)
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 09:55 PM   #14
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Oh I forgot to mention, she lost a bunch of weight the last couple of months, and she has become notoriously more flirtatious. She also offered him a party of three (dude and/or girl), if you know what I mean. He somewhat turned that down and then she said she was just joking around.
In your first post I was MAYBE not another party

Now... there is another dude. Specifically the losing weight. I have read how people become attractive after losing weight so they like the attention... she is getting attention from other men and she wants more!
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 10:21 PM   #15
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I think it largely depends on the age of the woman, and average age they are perceived by culture to marry (in which for this case might have married too early?).

Young ladies, whom normally don't know what they want, generally moves from one dude to another like temporary jobs. Girls who perceive themselves as aging and ready to settle normally don't waste time on men they don't see a future with (aka never commit to f-boys) and are usually more loyal, more forgiving, and less shallow.

of course, there are exceptions to the rule. I've dated chicks who used me solely for the attention. Only back then when I was such an idiot that I fell into that trap. So I guess it all comes to a combination of mental age and cultural inclinations?

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Old Jul 8, 2019, 10:22 PM   #16
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Yeah, she's riding another dong for sure.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 10:28 PM   #17
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Oh I forgot to mention, she lost a bunch of weight the last couple of months, and she has become notoriously more flirtatious. She also offered him a party of three (dude and/or girl), if you know what I mean. He somewhat turned that down and then she said she was just joking around.
Was on the fence until this post.

She’s banging other people for sure.
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Old Jul 8, 2019, 10:58 PM   #18
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In your first post I was MAYBE not another party

Now... there is another dude. Specifically the losing weight. I have read how people become attractive after losing weight so they like the attention... she is getting attention from other men and she wants more!
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Was on the fence until this post.

She’s banging other people for sure.
Right, although what struck me the most was the whole "let's add a third" deal. She is from a super conservative family. That just seemed out of the blue and I've heard people say that when women ask for poly relationships or just like in this case, a menage it can often (but not always) mean she wants to justify a future action or an ongoing action (or even a thought).

The weight was odd because she had tried before and couldn't do it. Now all of a sudden she lost about 25-40 poudns in like 3 months (right around the time the menage was "offered"). She verbalized her discomfort 2-4 weeks ago.

Her being more flirty could have just been my perception of her though.

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Originally Posted by Greasy View Post
Yeah, she's riding another dong for sure.
Yep, that's still my hunch... hoping for the best though.

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Originally Posted by Chuck View Post
I think it largely depends on the age of the woman, and average age they are perceived by culture to marry (in which for this case might have married too early?).

Young ladies, whom normally don't know what they want, generally moves from one dude to another like temporary jobs. Girls who perceive themselves as aging and ready to settle normally don't waste time on men they don't see a future with (aka never commit to f-boys) and are usually more loyal, more forgiving, and less shallow.

of course, there are exceptions to the rule. I've dated chicks who used me solely for the attention. Only back then when I was such an idiot that I fell into that trap. So I guess it all comes to a combination of mental age and cultural inclinations?
They lean more conservative but she married at a good age, mid 20s. What's weird is that even 6 months ago she said she wanted babies from the guy... like a lot. So clearly something changed.
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I'd bet it would be fun to do him up the ass.

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Old Jul 9, 2019, 07:15 AM   #19
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Often it's just better to be single than in a bad relationship.

That said, if she ain't banging someone else now, she will be soon.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 08:18 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by Progression View Post
Oh I forgot to mention, she lost a bunch of weight the last couple of months, and she has become notoriously more flirtatious. She also offered him a party of three (dude and/or girl), if you know what I mean. He somewhat turned that down and then she said she was just joking around.
Oh yeah, she's got a new candidate for sure.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 09:15 AM   #21
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Just don't ask Omega
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 09:37 AM   #22
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My ex left me and started dating her staff sgt supervisor 2 weeks after we broke up. We had been together for a year. She had no reason as to why she broke up with me out of no where except “I’ve lost feelings” .. the sex was super wild. I miss it to this day

In my general experience the women I seem to date do have something lined up before it ends. It is what it is. Military women are psycho, stay away
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 09:42 AM   #23
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That just seemed out of the blue and I've heard people say that when women ask for poly relationships or just like in this case, a menage it can often (but not always) mean she wants to justify a future action or an ongoing action (or even a thought).
.

Based on this, I'll speculate... she's decided she's into women. She figured he'd jump at the chance to bring another girl into the picture, she brings in the one she's already going at, then she can blame him for making her "fall in love" with this girl.

Good story, no?
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 10:00 AM   #24
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That's still what I'm leaning on as well. I don't see an smart lady just starting all this without a plan when she doesn't even have the economic means to get a new place and drive on her own to work, let alone buy a car.
Just going on experience, I know in my wonderful case, that is what my ex wife was doing and also a couple before her were busy doing the same thing, guess they cant get enough of the ding dong!
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 10:21 AM   #25
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The actual experience vs how I felt is very different. Men are naturally paranoid creatures. If she has no way of getting around with out her hubby driving her how is she getting to this other partner to get jiggy with it?

Also I can't help but feel we are getting one side of the story here with the whole epic nice guy thing.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 01:01 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by Athena View Post
The actual experience vs how I felt is very different. Men are naturally paranoid creatures. If she has no way of getting around with out her hubby driving her how is she getting to this other partner to get jiggy with it?

Also I can't help but feel we are getting one side of the story here with the whole epic nice guy thing.
The other guy is picking her up.






In more ways then one.

See this is what I mean about does love actually exist in anymore from my old thread. Again I'd like to think it does but in reality the more I see **** like this ( and yes its often ) the less faith I have left in humanity.

Currently I am dating someone new. And it was just by fluke. We've known eachother 33 years as we've lived in the same neighborhood for as long. She's my neighbor and one night I came home from work and we started to talk. She had to put her dog down due to cancer so I consoled her and listened. We would take the dogs in the neighborhood for walks over the past couple of months and I had talked to her about the bitch at work. And we got to talking about relationships in general. We went for dinner twice and on the July 1st long weekend we made dinner and were just binge watching Dark on Netflix, cuddled up on the couch and things got serious. We've spent the last two weeks together every night and on the weekends.

She is 8 years older then I am which kinda worries me but because of my past relationships I have to go in to this with precautions. Basically looking over my shoulder. And its not a good feeling.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 01:21 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Nascar24 View Post
Just going on experience, I know in my wonderful case, that is what my ex wife was doing and also a couple before her were busy doing the same thing, guess they cant get enough of the ding dong!
So she was banging someone else without an exit plan?

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Originally Posted by Athena View Post
The actual experience vs how I felt is very different. Men are naturally paranoid creatures. If she has no way of getting around with out her hubby driving her how is she getting to this other partner to get jiggy with it?

Also I can't help but feel we are getting one side of the story here with the whole epic nice guy thing.
In terms of being with another dude, well she's definitely been having a lot of "girl nights."

Yeah he could be lying but I doubt it. I've known the guy for about 8 years and we hang out rather often. If he did anything physically abusive he'd already be beaten up by her family (she has brothers) and/or she would've already left. She isn't the kind of girl to just take abuse like that. Also I've never seen him lose his temper, ever. He's been through really difficult situatious and again, never seen him lose his temper. The most I've seen is him saying a curse word when a driver cuts him off.

Could I be wrong? Sure. But here's the thing, even before he knew her he was driving his family around, he was going to get them food, medicine and other crap they needed from stores while he was also working. He never lost his temper and every person that I've met that knows him says he is a good guy, naive and optimistic to an excessive degree, but a good guy.

Also he was open about it in ways I've never seen before. He opened up about a lot of crap... I mean he isn't the guy who would talk about, even to his closest friends, about a menage. He is so reserved he never, ever even talks about porn.
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I've been praying for your nuts.
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Originally Posted by General Lee View Post
If you must listen to country [music], play it backwards. You get your woman back, the dog comes back to life, Momma pops out from under the train, and it stops raining. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bete View Post
I'd bet it would be fun to do him up the ass.

Last edited by Progression : Jul 9, 2019 at 01:28 PM.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 01:25 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hapatingjaky View Post
See this is what I mean about does love actually exist in anymore from my old thread. Again I'd like to think it does but in reality the more I see **** like this ( and yes its often ) the less faith I have left in humanity.

Currently I am dating someone new. And it was just by fluke. We've known eachother 33 years as we've lived in the same neighborhood for as long. She's my neighbor and one night I came home from work and we started to talk. She had to put her dog down due to cancer so I consoled her and listened. We would take the dogs in the neighborhood for walks over the past couple of months and I had talked to her about the bitch at work. And we got to talking about relationships in general. We went for dinner twice and on the July 1st long weekend we made dinner and were just binge watching Dark on Netflix, cuddled up on the couch and things got serious. We've spent the last two weeks together every night and on the weekends.

She is 8 years older then I am which kinda worries me but because of my past relationships I have to go in to this with precautions. Basically looking over my shoulder. And its not a good feeling.
That's rough and totally understandable for you to so cautious. I mean, what's the alternative?

I was also a true believer in romantic love, and I still sort of am. I would be lying if reading about psychology, biology, statistics and flatout stories from other men don't make me nervous though. It's at least definitely not easy.
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I've been praying for your nuts.
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Originally Posted by General Lee View Post
If you must listen to country [music], play it backwards. You get your woman back, the dog comes back to life, Momma pops out from under the train, and it stops raining. :)
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I'd bet it would be fun to do him up the ass.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 01:28 PM   #29
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Why not focus on why people (not genders) leave a relationship?
Trying to make this a male/female thing won't help in life. It will only distort your views on gender and make it harder to focus on the real challenges in relationships.
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Old Jul 9, 2019, 01:29 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Progression View Post
So she was banging someone else without an exit plan?
I think that was her exit plan, and the same for all of them. I still have no clue why, I didn't cheat on any of them.
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