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Old Aug 31, 2013, 06:51 PM   #31
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zodiak
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Originally Posted by JohnEJohn View Post
Thanks guys, means a lot to me as I am very isolated, I gave everything up for her, did everything for her and worked my sacks off to secure a future for us.

I tried calling her but she has deactivated her account....

I have been drinking, that was a definite mistake as I am listening to not very helpful music.

We all have faults and I am no exception, I think that by working so hard I may have doomed the relationship although that was agreed upon to secure a future but it obviously took its toll.

I mean I helped her to walk out of my life by packin her **** and I cannot get over that.

I know there are many more fish in the sea etc etc but I will tell you and I may regret this when I am not dunk but:

When my marriage broke down due to similar reasons (I was at work too much!!!!1111!!) I had to remove my stuff from the house whilst the son I helped raise was crying his eyes out as I was going and was clinging on to my leg, I had to remove and comfort him whilst I was screamed at by her whilst comforting him knowing that I would never EVER see him again., it tore me to pieces and it still does, thinking what has become of him, I often dream about him even now wondering how he is doing.

Despite that, this is somehow worse as I honestly believed that I would never have to worry again.

Now here I am again but I have nothing.
Depression and self-loathing is addictive. Don't fall into the trap. TRUST ME. Throw away your Cure albums and go outside. Don't contact her. At all. She calls, don't answer.

Secondly, really analyze the type of woman you're attracted to. You might be going after a relationship you subconsciously know is already doomed.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:01 PM   #32
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John this is rage...bunch of nasty people like me. But if your in trouble the tune changes. We will do what we can to look out for you.

Don't take it so hard. As others have said if she planned to snake you for so long your better off with her gone.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:04 PM   #33
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it tore me to pieces and it still does, thinking what has become of him, I often dream about him even now wondering how he is doing.
Unless there's a large angry man who's going to throw you in a canal with concrete boots, or a policeman who'll put you gaol, find him and reconnect with him.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:12 PM   #34
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Reconnecting has gotten me tossed in jail a couple times.

Maybe your version is different than mine
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:25 PM   #35
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Well, every last woman I or anybody I know has dealt with long-term has completely screwed them over. Selfish creatures, they are. This... this is why some men "use" them and then kick them to the curb.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:27 PM   #36
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This... this is why some men "use" them and then kick them to the curb.
There is no excuse for being spiteful and hurting other people.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:28 PM   #37
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Thanks all, it is bacon sandwich and Star trek time for me... maybe in the working it will look better....

And thanks Nunz for the good chat on skype and everyone for the responses and pms... I cannot type nymore the Rum has seen to that, thank **** for spell check
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:30 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by FX-Overclocking View Post
Well, every last woman I or anybody I know has dealt with long-term has completely screwed them over. Selfish creatures, they are. This... this is why some men "use" them and then kick them to the curb.
And you're helping the vicious cycle maintain itself.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:33 PM   #39
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There is no excuse for being spiteful and hurting other people.
Not saying I do it, but that is exactly why. How many times do you touch a burner before you realize the only way to do it without being burned badly is to tap it quickly rather than hold it like an idiot and fry your hand up.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:33 PM   #40
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That's awful John, sorry to hear it and it's terrible that she thought she was doing you a favor by waiting this long (not to mention letting you plan on moving with her to her mother's and then leaving you without a home).

Did you have any indication things were this bad between you two? You said you worked too much so that means you didn't get to spend much time with her, but outside of that? I ask mainly out of self-interested curiosity. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years, living together for more than 3, and hearing stories like this always scares the crap out of me.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:34 PM   #41
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the only way to do it without being burned badly is to tap it quickly rather than hold it like an idiot and fry your hand up.
I see what you did there
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:35 PM   #42
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Not saying I do it, but that is exactly why. How many times do you touch a burner before you realize the only way to do it without being burned badly is to tap it quickly rather than hold it like an idiot and fry your hand up.
How many times do you have to get burned before you realize you're too dumb not to make sure the burners off before you touch it?
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:37 PM   #43
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How many times do you have to get burned before you realize you're too dumb not to make sure the burners off before you touch it?
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:39 PM   #44
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Man that's shitty.
If you were near here, I'd go out for drinks with ya and point out the other chicks. I'd check them out and make sure they were decent too.
This is all her man - she planned it, and it sure is nasty. Whow.
Just be glad you didn't marry her.
This. You just escaped a really shitty future. You should be celebrating. This woman was going to lead you into a failed marriage, and now she's gone. Celebrate it and move on.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 07:47 PM   #45
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That's awful John, sorry to hear it and it's terrible that she thought she was doing you a favor by waiting this long (not to mention letting you plan on moving with her to her mother's and then leaving you without a home).

Did you have any indication things were this bad between you two? You said you worked too much so that means you didn't get to spend much time with her, but outside of that? I ask mainly out of self-interested curiosity. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years, living together for more than 3, and hearing stories like this always scares the crap out of me.
Been living together for 3 + years, the only sign looking back was about 1 year ago when she said we lived more like housemates as even though we were always together in the house I was always hard at work but she understood that I was building us a future, one that we both agreed we wanted.

Apart from that? nothing.

Time for me to eat bacon sandwiches in bed and stare at 7 of 9's ass

I get up at mid day tomorrow
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 08:12 PM   #46
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I'm going to try very hard to not let this be a wall of text, but bear with me.


I lost over 5 years of my life to a woman once as well. We were discussing marriage, starting a family- and like you I was basing my decisions off of what her and I agreed to. I worked two jobs, one full time and one part time, while going to school almost 60 hours a week. Like your relationship her and I saw very little of each other. We were either together while I was studying, or it was during breaks at work. That was it. The little actual time I had off I had to spend trying to get what little sleep I could.

Was doing that because I wanted a bright future for us. I wanted to be the provider I felt she deserved, and the provider I felt our family deserved. I pride myself in how awesome my parents are- but I wanted to do even better than they had. Is that so wrong?

Out of the blue one day, on the way home from college- "Andrew, I'm leaving you". Words cannot describe the anger, hurt, and confusion you feel. What's worse- like a dumb ass I tried to "just be friends" for about a year afterwards. I had the "pleasure" of meeting every other guy she got with.

Well that was, damn, an easy 6 years ago. Been single ever since. I know it's wrong to stereotype women but honestly I can't trust them. I work with plenty of awesome young ladies, and am even somewhat friends with a particular young gal that is out of this world awesome. Yet I cannot trust them. I do not open up to them and will not allow them to get close. This poses a problem as I would like to settle down some day.

But that's one of many problems I have to get over. The point I'm trying to make is unlike you I didn't leave my friends and family for her. I had my family and friends to cling to- and I did just that. They were pillars in my life when I couldn't stand on my own two feet. Even several members here (prev nVnews members) helped me monumentally during that time.

So as has been stated already- you have got to get close to your friends and family. Lean on them- ultimately that is a big reason why they're there. Unlike me however, don't allow your heart to harden against women. I know I'm wrong painting them all with such a broad brush, and I am trying hard to over come it. Like all things in life I know that it'll take time. You have got to realise that for yourself as well- you will recover from this, all of this, mess that you're presently in. And you'll be the better after this storm has passed.

That leech whom sucked away a fifth of my life- presently she's a strung out druggie bumming off of person after person, passed around more frequently than the pig skin during a football game. Me? I'm receiving promotion after promotion at my present job, making more money year after year still busting my ass, but actually managing to get ahead little by little. Not sharing this to brag, but I am sharing it to show that healing can and will happen if you allow it. Where I'm still healing is with trust- being able to trush women. Not sure how long it's going to be before I can, hopefully not too long.

Sorry for the wall of text man, but I do care. I am familiar with this pain and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. You have friends here as well that are willing to lend an ear for as long as you may need. I am just a PM away, as are many others here I'm certain.

God bless you bro, and you will remain in my prayers for what it is worth to you.

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Reconnecting has gotten me tossed in jail a couple times.

Maybe your version is different than mine
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Originally Posted by zodiak View Post
How many times do you have to get burned before you realize you're too dumb not to make sure the burners off before you touch it?


Zodiak- I think that's where I'm at right now. Waiting for a woman whose burner is off. As I've already stated I've been burned once and it hurts like hell, don't want to go through it again.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 08:28 PM   #47
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 09:57 PM   #48
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Can I lean on you Bete...?
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:02 PM   #49
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If you need to brother.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:05 PM   #50
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If you need to brother.
I was totally expecting you to say,

"The only thing you'll lean on is my wolfs jaw while he gnaws your face"

Color me surprised!
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:10 PM   #51
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Not me...talk a good game in here but I don't want to hurt anybody. I consider you turds friends. Out in the real world the game changes.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:19 PM   #52
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Interesting story Redeemed, but in your case, it seems
that it is YOU you do not trust, because if she really
turned out that way, you were blind to something for sure...
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:26 PM   #53
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Interesting story Redeemed, but in your case, it seems
that it is YOU you do not trust, because if she really
turned out that way, you were blind to something for sure...
Fair point and worth considering, I had not looked at it that way.

That said, and I really do appreciate the input, but this thread is for JohnEJohn- I do not want to derail it.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:55 PM   #54
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This thread is now about womenz cannot be trusted...
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 10:59 PM   #55
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Damn John, I am so sorry to hear she just up and left you the way she did. That's just...wow.

Listen to me, having a night or two to get smashed and emotional is fine, but don't let it be something you keep doing. You need to sort this out sober. I don't have any other advice really that you can't find elsewhere, but I can tell you that dealing with this using alcohol won't change anything...if anything, things can get worse. Take care mate.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 11:33 PM   #56
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I've been in your shoes. Found out my ex-fiance cheated on me with a mutual friend of ours, that was 5 years down the drain, then had a horrendous marriage that thankfully only costed me 3 years, and sometimes I question my relationship with my gf now.

You grow with each failed relationship.
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Old Aug 31, 2013, 11:47 PM   #57
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Not me...talk a good game in here but I don't want to hurt anybody. I consider you turds friends. Out in the real world the game changes.
Love ya Bete
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Old Sep 1, 2013, 02:59 AM   #58
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Dude, working to hard for the short term is probably the best thing I believe. If she left now with such a small thing imagine how it would have been if you really had issues. I believe women come and go but you only really have one shot for a career. I say good riddance. Build your career, get where you want to be and I'm sure the right person will come and appreciate it.
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Old Sep 1, 2013, 09:30 AM   #59
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Look on the bright side you can go and stomp face in your field and now you don't have to SHARE with anyone!! Now go forth young one and get a nice pad, sick rides, and all the computer hardware you want with no nagging!!!
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Old Sep 1, 2013, 10:47 AM   #60
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I guess I don't 'get' how needy some people are. My hubby's been away for 3 weeks. Sure it's rough, but we have a shared goal and we are both working toward that goal. It's only in more recent years we'be understood the benefits of taking a day off together- but then, he and I both have workaholic tendencies and are both loners/introverts.
I know it's not just a woman issue- there are needy guys out there too. I've known a few. Maybe guys call it quits sooner thinking the chick isn't really interested if she's working so much. Dunno. Speculation. But I found it interesting there are a couple of guys in here with much the same story.
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