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Old May 6, 2012, 05:51 AM   #61
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Drunken Janitor
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Did you inform them of the Philosophy Department faculty rules at the University of Woolamaloo?
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Old May 6, 2012, 07:26 AM   #62
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You got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.
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Old May 6, 2012, 07:31 AM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 12Bass View Post
Oh, and perhaps you might considering finding a stylish new furniture suite... something smart and sssassy....

BTW, does your lab happen to have a lisp when he barks... or maybe a limp paw?
He does have limp paws, actually. Has to wear boots when he goes for a walk otherwise they get irritated too easily due to contact allergy. They are kind of a sparkly blue colour, with little paw prints on the side...

Oh no.
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Old May 6, 2012, 08:12 AM   #64
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I once went to a woman's house to, err, "help her bake cookies" and her dog attempted to hump my leg for over an hour. It was somewhat distracting.

He totally cockblocked. Damn dog.
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Old May 6, 2012, 08:46 AM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Terramage View Post
I once went to a woman's house to, err, "help her bake cookies" and her dog attempted to hump my leg for over an hour. It was somewhat distracting.

He totally cockblocked. Damn dog.
Should've satisfied the dog while your woman was baking...
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Old May 6, 2012, 08:54 AM   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KickAssCop View Post
Should've satisfied the dog while your woman was baking...
If there's one thing you should have learned from this thread, it's that it takes a hell of a lot longer than the time to bake something to satisfy a sex crazed dog.
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Old May 6, 2012, 09:24 AM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crawdaddy79 View Post
If there's one thing you should have learned from this thread, it's that it takes a hell of a lot longer than the time to bake something to satisfy a sex crazed dog.
You need to believe in the pull out method...
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:07 AM   #68
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1:04 pm

The Staffy came back.

I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain.

It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard.

I'll call the owners later.
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:14 AM   #69
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oh ****.
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:17 AM   #70
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzieBloke View Post
1:04 pm

The Staffy came back.

I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain.

It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard.

I'll call the owners later.


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Old May 7, 2012, 12:32 AM   #71
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Why does this sound oddly familiar?
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:33 AM   #72
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And Starion15 gets bonus points:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Starion15 View Post
You know what they say, once they go black Labrador, they keep coming back-for-more.
Semi-seriously: the dog was returned to its owners, right? But then it got loose again and found its way back to your house, IN THE RAIN, for Banjo? (I could swear there've been at least a few rom-coms that ended pretty much like this.) But in this case we're officially past Barry White and Ray Charles territory and over in the realm of

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Quote:
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I like them tall and petite.
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:35 AM   #73
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That dog be humpin...
and not quittin'...
and bangin'...
and spankin'...
till he go down like pantin'...

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Old May 7, 2012, 02:16 AM   #74
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Oh Oz... You should start writing books on your 'adventures'!

"About a Lab and a Staf"
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Old May 7, 2012, 03:19 AM   #75
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There isnt enought lol's for this thread
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Old May 7, 2012, 03:30 AM   #76
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4:20 pm

This time, the owner of the Staffy came to my place to pick up their dog, a middle-aged woman.

She asked where he was. I said they were in the garage which is a continuation of my backyard. I asked them to wait at the garage door whilst I went inside the house to press the button to open it. She mentioned off-handedly that her dog wasn't at all dog-friendly usually. Uh-huh.

I went inside. I pressed the button. About eight second later, I heard some form of incoherent shriek from the woman. And then another one. I went outside to discover the woman with her hand to her mouth and her face doing a pretty good impression of a Killer Tomato.

Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours. And that's what they do. Luckily for her, at that moment the Staffy was on top, so he quickly came to her when she called him to clip a lead on him, allowing me to safely restrain my Labrador whilst he did his best to get back to his lover. I stayed inside the garage, pressed the second button there to close the door, and said a cheerful "Goodbye!" to her as the door rolled back down. She didn't wave. She didn't say a word. She didn't look back.

The Staffy did look back, but somehow I don't think I'll be seeing him again any time soon. Sorry Banjo, but it wasn't meant to be.
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Last edited by OzzieBloke : May 7, 2012 at 03:32 AM.
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Old May 7, 2012, 03:33 AM   #77
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It's always the in laws that fark shits up. Ozzie, you are the in law.
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Old May 7, 2012, 03:34 AM   #78
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzieBloke View Post
... Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours.


Not that homophobia is funny... but...
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Old May 7, 2012, 10:39 AM   #79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meteor View Post
Oh Oz... You should start writing books on your 'adventures'!

"About a Lab and a Staf"
I really just enjoy his perspective and how he frames everything within the narrative of his wit and acumen.
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2 Peter 3:3) For YOU know this first, that in the last days there will come ridiculers with their ridicule, proceeding according to their own desires 4) and saying: “Where is this promised presence of his? Why, from the day our forefathers fell asleep [in death], all things are continuing exactly as from creation’s beginning.” 5) For, according to their wish, this fact escapes their notice [...]

8) However, let this one fact not be escaping YOUR notice, beloved ones, that one day is with Jehovah as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day. 9) Jehovah is not slow respecting his promise, as some people consider slowness, but he is patient with YOU because he does not desire any to be destroyed but desires all to attain to repentance.
Like 12Bass says, critical thinking and the scientific method are probably the best tools we have to avoid it. (bias)

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Old May 7, 2012, 10:53 AM   #80
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzieBloke View Post
4:20 pm

This time, the owner of the Staffy came to my place to pick up their dog, a middle-aged woman.

She asked where he was. I said they were in the garage which is a continuation of my backyard. I asked them to wait at the garage door whilst I went inside the house to press the button to open it. She mentioned off-handedly that her dog wasn't at all dog-friendly usually. Uh-huh.

I went inside. I pressed the button. About eight second later, I heard some form of incoherent shriek from the woman. And then another one. I went outside to discover the woman with her hand to her mouth and her face doing a pretty good impression of a Killer Tomato.

Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours. And that's what they do. Luckily for her, at that moment the Staffy was on top, so he quickly came to her when she called him to clip a lead on him, allowing me to safely restrain my Labrador whilst he did his best to get back to his lover. I stayed inside the garage, pressed the second button there to close the door, and said a cheerful "Goodbye!" to her as the door rolled back down. She didn't wave. She didn't say a word. She didn't look back.

The Staffy did look back, but somehow I don't think I'll be seeing him again any time soon. Sorry Banjo, but it wasn't meant to be.
I still want photos of Banjo and the staffy. Surely you can get at least one photo in a less than homoerotic moment?

Love her horror. I think the Staffy will be back. They're escape artists, in my experience.
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Old May 7, 2012, 11:11 AM   #81
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzieBloke View Post
1:04 pm

The Staffy came back.

I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain.

It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard.

I'll call the owners later.
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Old May 7, 2012, 11:12 AM   #82
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Poor lady...you could have at least tried to separate them before opening the garage door and traumatizing her, Ozzie. (Then again, if they've been so hot and heavy for each other, dude might have lost some flesh if he'd tried to interrupt them.)





Sooooo...pics of the futon you'll never use again?
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I like them tall and petite.
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Old May 7, 2012, 11:50 AM   #83
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The fact that people want pics of varying things is gross. The fact that Ozzie continues to observe with such detail (and report in hilarious fashion) is also... gross.


Awaiting the next update
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:10 PM   #84
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2012 Greater Messageboard Metropolitan Area Award for Best Thread goes too...

Ozziebloke for his Brokeback Australia Story!
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Old May 7, 2012, 12:29 PM   #85
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OMG i just read all of this,
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Old May 7, 2012, 01:09 PM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamwalker View Post
If this is as gratuitous as you say it is, dog man, you could have had it all on webcam and be charging lucrative fees for viewing. There are people who would pay for this.
How much would "people" pay for this you figure?
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Old May 8, 2012, 02:25 PM   #87
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AdelphiaX View Post
The fact that people want pics of varying things is gross. The fact that Ozzie continues to observe with such detail (and report in hilarious fashion) is also... gross.


Awaiting the next update
the fact that you read the whole thing and then admit you are waiting for more.. Gross.
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Old May 8, 2012, 10:49 PM   #88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OzzieBloke View Post
6:04 pm

Labrador is sulking.

He spent the entire day searching the backyard, the house, the backyard, the house, the backyard, the house, obviously to no avail. He stares longingly at the ruined futon couch and whimpers.

I put on his star-spangled scarf and put some Richard Simmons Youtube videos up on the telly for him to try and cheer him up. No response. Village People didn't work either. Elton John just sent him to sleep whereupon he whimpers as he dreamsl I shudder to think what he's dreaming about.

That's as far as I go.
You might need to make a visit to the Staffy's house soon.
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Old May 8, 2012, 10:54 PM   #89
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This thread is just pure gold!!!
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Sittal on BF2142 "
wtf. seriously. this has got to be the worst game i have EVER played. far worse than left behind."
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Old May 9, 2012, 01:21 AM   #90
Scott
I like my backyard
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Canada London, CAN
Posts: 9,159
Scott is still being judged by the masses


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Wow, wandered back just in time for the best thread ever.


"The balls were touching."


Your text delivery is impeccable, Ozzie.
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