Damn it... my Labrador is gay. - Page 3

Drunken Janitor · May 6, 2012, 05:51 AM

Did you inform them of the Philosophy Department faculty rules at the University of Woolamaloo?

Guybo · May 6, 2012, 07:26 AM

You got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

OzzieBloke · May 6, 2012, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 12Bass

Oh, and perhaps you might considering finding a stylish new furniture suite... something smart and sssassy....

BTW, does your lab happen to have a lisp when he barks... or maybe a limp paw?

He does have limp paws, actually. Has to wear boots when he goes for a walk otherwise they get irritated too easily due to contact allergy. They are kind of a sparkly blue colour, with little paw prints on the side...

Oh no.

Terramage · May 6, 2012, 08:12 AM

I once went to a woman's house to, err, "help her bake cookies" and her dog attempted to hump my leg for over an hour. It was somewhat distracting.

He totally cockblocked. Damn dog.

KAC · May 6, 2012, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Terramage

I once went to a woman's house to, err, "help her bake cookies" and her dog attempted to hump my leg for over an hour. It was somewhat distracting.

He totally cockblocked. Damn dog.

Should've satisfied the dog while your woman was baking...

Crawdaddy79 · May 6, 2012, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KickAssCop

Should've satisfied the dog while your woman was baking...

If there's one thing you should have learned from this thread, it's that it takes a hell of a lot longer than the time to bake something to satisfy a sex crazed dog.

KAC · May 6, 2012, 09:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crawdaddy79

If there's one thing you should have learned from this thread, it's that it takes a hell of a lot longer than the time to bake something to satisfy a sex crazed dog.

You need to believe in the pull out method...

OzzieBloke · May 7, 2012, 12:07 AM

1:04 pm

The Staffy came back.

I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain.

It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard.

I'll call the owners later.

VW_Factor · May 7, 2012, 12:14 AM

oh ****.

Cyko · May 7, 2012, 12:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzzieBloke

1:04 pm

The Staffy came back.

I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain.

It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard.

I'll call the owners later.

Chuck · May 7, 2012, 12:32 AM

Why does this sound oddly familiar?

Redshirt_X · May 7, 2012, 12:33 AM

And Starion15 gets bonus points:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starion15

You know what they say, once they go black Labrador, they keep coming back-for-more.

Semi-seriously: the dog was returned to its owners, right? But then it got loose again and found its way back to your house, IN THE RAIN, for Banjo?

(I could swear there've been at least a few rom-coms that ended pretty much like this.) But in this case we're officially past Barry White and Ray Charles territory and over in the realm of

KAC · May 7, 2012, 12:35 AM

That dog be humpin...
and not quittin'...
and bangin'...
and spankin'...
till he go down like pantin'...

Meteor · May 7, 2012, 02:16 AM

Oh Oz... You should start writing books on your 'adventures'!

"About a Lab and a Staf"

badboy · May 7, 2012, 03:19 AM

There isnt enought lol's for this thread

OzzieBloke · May 7, 2012, 03:30 AM

4:20 pm

This time, the owner of the Staffy came to my place to pick up their dog, a middle-aged woman.

She asked where he was. I said they were in the garage which is a continuation of my backyard. I asked them to wait at the garage door whilst I went inside the house to press the button to open it. She mentioned off-handedly that her dog wasn't at all dog-friendly usually. Uh-huh.

I went inside. I pressed the button. About eight second later, I heard some form of incoherent shriek from the woman. And then another one. I went outside to discover the woman with her hand to her mouth and her face doing a pretty good impression of a Killer Tomato.

Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours. And that's what they do. Luckily for her, at that moment the Staffy was on top, so he quickly came to her when she called him to clip a lead on him, allowing me to safely restrain my Labrador whilst he did his best to get back to his lover. I stayed inside the garage, pressed the second button there to close the door, and said a cheerful "Goodbye!" to her as the door rolled back down. She didn't wave. She didn't say a word. She didn't look back.

The Staffy did look back, but somehow I don't think I'll be seeing him again any time soon. Sorry Banjo, but it wasn't meant to be.

KAC · May 7, 2012, 03:33 AM

It's always the in laws that fark shits up. Ozzie, you are the in law.

12Bass · May 7, 2012, 03:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzzieBloke

... Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours.

Not that homophobia is funny... but...

DorXtar · May 7, 2012, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meteor

Oh Oz... You should start writing books on your 'adventures'!

"About a Lab and a Staf"

I really just enjoy his perspective and how he frames everything within the narrative of his wit and acumen.

greyghost · May 7, 2012, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzzieBloke

4:20 pm

This time, the owner of the Staffy came to my place to pick up their dog, a middle-aged woman.

She asked where he was. I said they were in the garage which is a continuation of my backyard. I asked them to wait at the garage door whilst I went inside the house to press the button to open it. She mentioned off-handedly that her dog wasn't at all dog-friendly usually. Uh-huh.

I went inside. I pressed the button. About eight second later, I heard some form of incoherent shriek from the woman. And then another one. I went outside to discover the woman with her hand to her mouth and her face doing a pretty good impression of a Killer Tomato.

Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours. And that's what they do. Luckily for her, at that moment the Staffy was on top, so he quickly came to her when she called him to clip a lead on him, allowing me to safely restrain my Labrador whilst he did his best to get back to his lover. I stayed inside the garage, pressed the second button there to close the door, and said a cheerful "Goodbye!" to her as the door rolled back down. She didn't wave. She didn't say a word. She didn't look back.

The Staffy did look back, but somehow I don't think I'll be seeing him again any time soon. Sorry Banjo, but it wasn't meant to be.

I still want photos of Banjo and the staffy. Surely you can get at least one photo in a less than homoerotic moment?

Love her horror. I think the Staffy will be back. They're escape artists, in my experience.

zodiak · May 7, 2012, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzzieBloke

1:04 pm

The Staffy came back.

I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain.

It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard.

I'll call the owners later.

Redshirt_X · May 7, 2012, 11:12 AM

Poor lady...you could have at least tried to separate them before opening the garage door and traumatizing her, Ozzie.

(Then again, if they've been so hot and heavy for each other, dude might have lost some flesh if he'd tried to interrupt them.)

Sooooo...pics of the futon you'll never use again?

AdelphiaX · May 7, 2012, 11:50 AM

The fact that people want pics of varying things is gross. The fact that Ozzie continues to observe with such detail (and report in hilarious fashion) is also... gross.

Awaiting the next update

sittal · May 7, 2012, 12:10 PM

2012 Greater Messageboard Metropolitan Area Award for Best Thread goes too...

Ozziebloke for his Brokeback Australia Story!

**G.I.BRO** · May 7, 2012, 12:29 PM

OMG i just read all of this,

riho · May 7, 2012, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreamwalker

If this is as gratuitous as you say it is, dog man, you could have had it all on webcam and be charging lucrative fees for viewing. There are people who would pay for this.

How much would "people" pay for this you figure?

NWR_Midnight · May 8, 2012, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdelphiaX

The fact that people want pics of varying things is gross. The fact that Ozzie continues to observe with such detail (and report in hilarious fashion) is also... gross.

Awaiting the next update

the fact that you read the whole thing and then admit you are waiting for more.. Gross.

wrex · May 8, 2012, 10:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OzzieBloke

6:04 pm

Labrador is sulking.

He spent the entire day searching the backyard, the house, the backyard, the house, the backyard, the house, obviously to no avail. He stares longingly at the ruined futon couch and whimpers.

I put on his star-spangled scarf and put some Richard Simmons Youtube videos up on the telly for him to try and cheer him up. No response. Village People didn't work either. Elton John just sent him to sleep whereupon he whimpers as he dreamsl I shudder to think what he's dreaming about.

That's as far as I go.

You might need to make a visit to the Staffy's house soon.

Evileh · May 8, 2012, 10:54 PM

This thread is just pure gold!!!

Scott · May 9, 2012, 01:21 AM

Wow, wandered back just in time for the best thread ever.

"The balls were touching."

Your text delivery is impeccable, Ozzie.

May 6, 2012, 05:51 AM	#61	Advertisement (Guests Only) Login or Register to remove this ad
Drunken Janitor Blistering Barnacles! Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Winnipeg Posts: 5,698	Did you inform them of the Philosophy Department faculty rules at the University of Woolamaloo? __________________ C2D E6750 <> GF 8800 320mb <> 2 gig kingston ram <> Asus P5N-E SLI <> SB audigy 2 <> Some DVD burner <> Vista 32bit

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May 6, 2012, 08:12 AM	#64
Terramage aka GoldenAvenger Join Date: May 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 3,267	I once went to a woman's house to, err, "help her bake cookies" and her dog attempted to hump my leg for over an hour. It was somewhat distracting. He totally cockblocked. Damn dog. __________________ Judge if you want, we're all going to die. I intend to deserve it.

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May 6, 2012, 07:26 AM	#62
Guybo Anonymous Proletariat Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: The Big Guava Posts: 2,922	You got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

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May 7, 2012, 12:07 AM	#68
OzzieBloke & OzzieDogs Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Western Australia. Posts: 16,161	1:04 pm The Staffy came back. I know this because my Labrador suddenly and hysterically started whining and jumping at the front door. I look out the window, and there is the Staffy, at the door, soaked from walking in the rain. It was either let my door be scratched to pieces, or let the both of them out in the backyard. I'll call the owners later. __________________ You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out, you put your left foot in, and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn around, and that's probably the first sign you suffer from severe OCD.

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May 7, 2012, 12:32 AM	#71
Chuck iGeek Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Hong Kong Posts: 5,991	Why does this sound oddly familiar?

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May 7, 2012, 12:35 AM	#73
KAC The anti-gays Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Lahore Posts: 32,570	That dog be humpin... and not quittin'... and bangin'... and spankin'... till he go down like pantin'...

May 7, 2012, 02:16 AM	#74
Meteor [RenJeRot] rulez! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Hong Kong Posts: 1,680	Oh Oz... You should start writing books on your 'adventures'! "About a Lab and a Staf" __________________ For main PC see specs Other: Asus EEE 1005HA / Intel Atom N280 1.66GHz / 1GB / 160 GB HDD / Windows 7

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May 7, 2012, 03:19 AM	#75
badboy RIP Paul Gray Join Date: Feb 2001 Location: Sweden Posts: 14,264	There isnt enought lol's for this thread __________________ *”Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”* - Albert Einstein *"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."* - Richard Dawkins *"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."* - Ben Franklin *"I'll happily keep risking it and enjoy my life"* - Doozer Luke: "God will make sure that evil gets punished" Jason: "Oh yeah, then explain Europe to me?" - True Blood

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May 7, 2012, 03:30 AM	#76
OzzieBloke & OzzieDogs Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Western Australia. Posts: 16,161	4:20 pm This time, the owner of the Staffy came to my place to pick up their dog, a middle-aged woman. She asked where he was. I said they were in the garage which is a continuation of my backyard. I asked them to wait at the garage door whilst I went inside the house to press the button to open it. She mentioned off-handedly that her dog wasn't at all dog-friendly usually. Uh-huh. I went inside. I pressed the button. About eight second later, I heard some form of incoherent shriek from the woman. And then another one. I went outside to discover the woman with her hand to her mouth and her face doing a pretty good impression of a Killer Tomato. Yes ma'am. My dog is gay. So is yours. And that's what they do. Luckily for her, at that moment the Staffy was on top, so he quickly came to her when she called him to clip a lead on him, allowing me to safely restrain my Labrador whilst he did his best to get back to his lover. I stayed inside the garage, pressed the second button there to close the door, and said a cheerful "Goodbye!" to her as the door rolled back down. She didn't wave. She didn't say a word. She didn't look back. The Staffy did look back, but somehow I don't think I'll be seeing him again any time soon. Sorry Banjo, but it wasn't meant to be. __________________ You put your left foot in, you take your left foot out, you put your left foot in, and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn around, and that's probably the first sign you suffer from severe OCD. Last edited by OzzieBloke : May 7, 2012 at 03:32 AM.

May 7, 2012, 03:33 AM	#77
KAC The anti-gays Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Lahore Posts: 32,570	It's always the in laws that fark shits up. Ozzie, you are the in law.

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May 7, 2012, 11:50 AM	#83
AdelphiaX Rage3D Veteran Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 2,407	The fact that people want pics of varying things is gross. The fact that Ozzie continues to observe with such detail (and report in hilarious fashion) is also... gross. Awaiting the next update __________________ "I've been known to give myself a broner.""

May 7, 2012, 12:10 PM	#84
sittal Rage3D Spammer Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Tulsa, OK Posts: 21,538	2012 Greater Messageboard Metropolitan Area Award for Best Thread goes too... Ozziebloke for his Brokeback Australia Story! __________________ BBCode for Rage3D Learn to embed videos in your posts, highlight text, and even post code!

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May 7, 2012, 12:29 PM	#85
G.I.BRO GNAP! Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Toronto Posts: 26,283	OMG i just read all of this, __________________ Sex with four people is foursome. Sex with three people is threesome and Sex with two people is twosome. Now you know why they call you handsome

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May 8, 2012, 10:54 PM	#89
Evileh Rage3D Veteran Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Springfield, Illinois Posts: 6,619	This thread is just pure gold!!! __________________ Battlefield 2 Stats Battlefield 2142 Stats Battlefield Bad Company 2 Stats Battlefield 3 Stats Xfire evilgenius84 Xbox Live Gamer's Tag: Evileh Sittal on BF2142 "wtf. seriously. this has got to be the worst game i have EVER played. far worse than left behind."

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May 9, 2012, 01:21 AM	#90
Scott I like my backyard Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: London, CAN Posts: 9,166	Wow, wandered back just in time for the best thread ever. "The balls were touching." Your text delivery is impeccable, Ozzie. __________________ I got a pair of tweezers, a can of air, and some bacardi :\ - sittal

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