I think this is a cry for help. Well consider this an answer to your plea. If you need somebody to talk to Matrix, PM me any time. I offer myself to be a conduit to vent on if you need to. Just don't do anything hasty.
"When you are dead, you don't know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are Stupid. "
"Be careful what you say, not everybody is open minded"