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-   -   If you hate my arguably nonsensical threads, don't read this. But need some advice? (http://www.rage3d.com/board/showthread.php?t=34052120)

Chuck Jan 15, 2021 12:00 AM

If you hate my arguably nonsensical threads, don't read this. But need some advice?
 
If you told me I will be in such a dedicated relationship two years ago, I wouldn't have believed you and told you I'd be dreaming.

My girlfriend cares for my wellbeing (health wise) and cleans the home and does all she can to make our home as cozy as she can possibly make it, and for that, I am extremely happy about.

I admit there were times she pulled back from our relationship cause of my insecurities, but time and time again I did all I can to improve her life and she have continued to express gratitude for what I have done for her. So much so she began talking to me about engagement rings and gave me a "100 things to do" poster/agenda that points to marriage as the final goal. We have been living together for two months (we lived together half a year before that when her family home was under renovation) and so far, we are giving each other enough space though these couple of days I have been extremely depressed about something I can't completely fathom.

I know relationships shouldn't concentrate along the groins, but it's rather obvious she is taking me for granted. About half a year ago we had an argument where I expressed my concerns our sex life is getting more limited, and she told me outright she finds it boring cause I seem to do the same thing. I tried my best to meet her needs but it continues to nag me how she still isn't satisfied. There are limited amount of times where we have passionate sex, and as soon I think we're finally back on track, she refuses my advances pro bono and I am again left bewildered and conflicted. The dry spell will then continue again for another month. A normal couple will talk about such things and try to find a solution, but nope, she hates talking about sex in person (only does it through text... aka behind a wall).

It would have been much easier if we had the same initiating styles, but nope, sexual incompatibilities continue. I prefer to just ask and stop playing mind games, but she expects things to just naturally lead to another. Which honestly, I would have been perfectly fine with if it was going anywhere. She always spends tons of time watching TV and on the phone that by the time she goes to bed (which is 1ish), she claims she's too tired to even be bothered, or outright not in the mood. A couple of times I asked her to go the bedroom earlier (while being playful about it), but she outright said no cause it's apparently awkward. Originally she was willing to give it a go if she didn't have to wake up early the other day, but recently it "transitioned" to the night we're both off the next day. Since she works in the food service industry, her schedule changes every week and so, such days are extremely limited to begin with. Nevermind times we're not in the mood (I got too tired the other night and fell asleep). Flirting no longer works as she thinks it's forced and too "dirty" for her liking. She even begged me to stop cause she hates sex talk. We do cuddle and kiss but lately I can't help but feel there is something missing. I even went as far as telling her what sex means for me (it isnít just all fun but about us sharing a special bond) but she won't budge. What gets to me is, she only initiates during special days (valentineís, birthdays, etc..) and guess what? She asks outright and it doesnít follow her ďI only like it when one thing leads to anotherĒ rule.

I'd be honest, recently I am so sexually frustrated and unfulfilled I am losing my mind. I tried doing household chores more and be romantic by giving her massages, but nope, she just thanks me and quickly falls asleep.
Two days ago we went clothes shopping and I find myself being attracted to another women (who happens to be my ideal type). I don't know what's happening but it's like I am frustrated to the point I find myself checking them out and slightly flirting with them. So much so she checked me out too before I came to my senses and snapped out of it. Maybe itís because I seek validation, I donít know. But this obviously isnít a good sign and just shows how frustrated I have become in the relationship.

I am not saying she doesnít love me mind, far from it. One of my birthday gifts (she gave me two) is the sweetest thing someone have ever given me and perfectly congratulates our lives together.

The thing is, itís obvious she isnít satisfied with me in bed and all this is really making me feel extra vulnerable. The feeling I canít properly satisfy the one I love really hurts and I canít get over it.

So yeah, guess the question is this. What will you guys do if you are in the same situation? I really love her and want a life with her but I canít help but be freaked out we are headed to a sexless marriage. One possible cause is I too often let her call the shots and in turn she lost respect for me, but guys, I am really lost.

Cyko Jan 15, 2021 12:15 AM

...she gave you a ď100 things to do posterĒ...wow. Thatís just...wow. Did you give her a ď1 thing to doĒ flashcard with ďmake me a sandwichĒ on the back? :bleh:

But more seriously, need to think. Itís too late to properly respond to a Chuck thread.

Renocide Jan 15, 2021 12:15 AM

Her: I don't know how you feel but I'm not the kind of girl who is going to be forced into having sex multiple times a week. I'm just not that into it.

Me: Can I drop you off here and you can take a Uber home?


Honestly, I don't know **** about **** but there is no way I'd be with a woman that only wants to have sex once a month. I can compromise to like twice a week...MAYBE...but that's my last offer.

Sex keeps me level headed and allows me to function.

Show this girl the door and tell her not to forget her "100 things to do..." ****ing sign on the way out.

Actually....

Whip out your dick and start stroking it whenever you get horny. When she freaks tell her if she doesn't like watching you masturbate you can put it in her vagina if it would make things easier on her. When she gets up and walks to another room in your place follow her. Eventually she will leave you and you will be better off.


Ok. That's all the advice I got.

KAC Jan 15, 2021 12:16 AM

Very difficult to comment without fully knowing her perspective.
Ask her what she wants in sex and how much she wants. And also ask her if you are unable to satisfy her what is the reason for it?

Also if she isn’t giving you head then it means she believes you have a small cock and she likes big dicks.

Cyko Jan 15, 2021 12:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAC (Post 1338261122)
And also ask her if you are unable to satisfy her what is the reason for it?

How can he satisfy her when he has no energy because sheís watching tv or on her phone instead of making her man a gd sandwich to fuel their ride to poundtown :bleh:

KAC Jan 15, 2021 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyko (Post 1338261123)
How can he satisfy her when he has no energy because sheís watching tv or on her phone instead of making her man a gd sandwich to fuel their ride to poundtown :bleh:

Well she might be getting dick elsewhere.

Vanz_007 Jan 15, 2021 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAC (Post 1338261124)
Well she might be getting dick elsewhere.


Cyko Jan 15, 2021 12:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAC (Post 1338261124)
Well she might be getting dick elsewhere.


KAC Jan 15, 2021 12:27 AM

It is quite clear he is the insecure guy who pays the bills and runs around her fapping like a dog. Every woman needs a strong man. So she is finding that strength elsewhere. We have told him countless times to have self respect and show equal power in a relationship but he always bends over backwards to please.

The waitress getting her bills paid, having a nice place to live and getting free attention while she possibly flirts with visitors and spends extra hour changes at a restaurant (which I have never ****ing heard in my life) doesn’t make much sense unless she gets the 2 hour bang elsewhere.

twonha Jan 15, 2021 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck (Post 1338261117)
I too often let her call the shots and in turn she lost respect for me

tldr

Chuck Jan 15, 2021 01:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KAC (Post 1338261122)
Very difficult to comment without fully knowing her perspective.
Ask her what she wants in sex and how much she wants. And also ask her if you are unable to satisfy her what is the reason for it?

Also if she isn’t giving you head then it means she believes you have a small cock and she likes big dicks.

You know what? Screw it. I will talk to her directly about this like a man. Tired of guessing what the hell is going on and not speaking up cause I am afraid I will offend her.

She does give me hot head though. Kinda part of our routine during sex. :bleh:

Trunks0 Jan 15, 2021 02:29 AM

Yup! Gotta learn to talk about it. And um... If she's giving good head... You better be giving great oral too eh. Up your game if your not.

KAC Jan 15, 2021 02:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trunks0 (Post 1338261136)
Yup! Gotta learn to talk about it. And um... If she's giving good head... You better be giving great oral too eh. Up your game if your not.

On that bush, he better have some protection. :lol:

Silent-Runner Jan 15, 2021 02:47 AM


koralis Jan 15, 2021 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck (Post 1338261117)
The thing is, it’s obvious she isn’t satisfied with me in bed and all this is really making me feel extra vulnerable. The feeling I can’t properly satisfy the one I love really hurts and I can’t get over it.
.

Or, more likely in my opinion, she doesn't like sex... has hangups, etc, but rather than admit that she deflects and makes it your fault. If she were telling you the truth she'd be bursting with ideas of ways to spice things up. That she doesn't means she doesn't want those things to happen either for one reason or another.

acroig Jan 15, 2021 07:38 AM

Sex advise from Rage3D.... 🤣, always ends in do her/him/it in the butt.

Greasy Jan 15, 2021 07:50 AM

If you're not getting sex now. Just wait until you marry her. :lol:

Cyco is right, just flip the list over and write down the following.

Make dinner.
Blow Job.
Butt Chex.

Silent-Runner Jan 15, 2021 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acroig (Post 1338261172)
Sex advise from Rage3D.... 🤣, always ends in do her/him/it in the butt.

it also starts with that, basically rage3d is butt ....sex....talk...things :bleh:

Lazy8s Jan 15, 2021 08:20 AM

Go to couples counseling.

greyghost Jan 15, 2021 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acroig (Post 1338261172)
Sex advise from Rage3D.... 🤣, always ends in do her/him/it in the butt.


:lol: some things here never change.


It's hard to know what will work for everyone. Some of us are just not that into sex. From the girl side, it's messy. Now the sheets need washing, your parts feel messy/gross (think of taking a runny sh!t and needing to now walk down the hall to go clean up while the once-warm-now-cold runny is now running down your thigh).


And sometimes, it's not a good time. We aren't like you -- we have cycles where we are wanting it/ready for it and the rest of the time, not so much. I know there are chicks out there who love it ALL the time, but I don't think that's the case for most of us. Those hormones make us more interested when it leads to a potential baby (yay nature!) and less interested otherwise. If she is on the Pill, that seriously kills drive for a lot of us.



You mentioned "dirty" -- and I want to point this out because it's SO strongly in our culture depending on upbringing. Women, girls, are taught early on that sex is dirty. It's bad. We are given terrible names for our parts, boobs are dirty pillows, slang terms like fish crotch are slung around... we are taught to be ashamed of our bodies. We aren't made to think our innermost parts are pretty, but something to look away from. Women have a constant barrage of what we are supposed to look like, be like, act like, what is pretty, what is slutty (bad). So many of the messages given in our youth conflict. We aren't taught to celebrate sex. We aren't taught to enjoy it, particularly if we had a Christian upbringing. It's very hard to get past this, and I would call it a form of psycological abuse. You can't tell someone they are ugly their whole life and expect them to suddenly accept their body and realize they are beautiful.



I feel she might have some of this going on, since she won't openly talk about it and has brought up some negative terms.



If sex is that high on your priority list, over companionship, thoughtfulness of each other, someone who offers other good things to your life, then it won't work.



Speaking as an old married person here, 20 years in, we're best friends before lovers.

Lazy8s Jan 15, 2021 10:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greyghost (Post 1338261200)
:lol: some things here never change.


It's hard to know what will work for everyone. Some of us are just not that into sex. From the girl side, it's messy. Now the sheets need washing, your parts feel messy/gross (think of taking a runny sh!t and needing to now walk down the hall to go clean up while the once-warm-now-cold runny is now running down your thigh).

You just destroyed my sex life, for the weekend anyway :lol:


Quote:

Speaking as an old married person here, 20 years in, we're best friends before lovers.
Very much so here as well. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

xCLAVEx Jan 15, 2021 10:51 AM

Well, there is some good news. Valentines day is coming up and you said she initiates sex on V-day. Problem solved until next year?

SirBaron Jan 15, 2021 11:12 AM

Eh sex isn't that big of a thing it's cracked Up to be, sure it's Good obviously but self Maintenance is faster and easier. :p

Get a oculus quest and SLR subscription, and if she asks what you're doing say you're playing beat saber.

In a way, you're kinda are. :bleh:

acroig Jan 15, 2021 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greyghost (Post 1338261200)
:lol: some things here never change.


It's hard to know what will work for everyone. Some of us are just not that into sex. From the girl side, it's messy. Now the sheets need washing, your parts feel messy/gross (think of taking a runny sh!t and needing to now walk down the hall to go clean up while the once-warm-now-cold runny is now running down your thigh).


And sometimes, it's not a good time. We aren't like you -- we have cycles where we are wanting it/ready for it and the rest of the time, not so much. I know there are chicks out there who love it ALL the time, but I don't think that's the case for most of us. Those hormones make us more interested when it leads to a potential baby (yay nature!) and less interested otherwise. If she is on the Pill, that seriously kills drive for a lot of us.



You mentioned "dirty" -- and I want to point this out because it's SO strongly in our culture depending on upbringing. Women, girls, are taught early on that sex is dirty. It's bad. We are given terrible names for our parts, boobs are dirty pillows, slang terms like fish crotch are slung around... we are taught to be ashamed of our bodies. We aren't made to think our innermost parts are pretty, but something to look away from. Women have a constant barrage of what we are supposed to look like, be like, act like, what is pretty, what is slutty (bad). So many of the messages given in our youth conflict. We aren't taught to celebrate sex. We aren't taught to enjoy it, particularly if we had a Christian upbringing. It's very hard to get past this, and I would call it a form of psycological abuse. You can't tell someone they are ugly their whole life and expect them to suddenly accept their body and realize they are beautiful.



I feel she might have some of this going on, since she won't openly talk about it and has brought up some negative terms.



If sex is that high on your priority list, over companionship, thoughtfulness of each other, someone who offers other good things to your life, then it won't work.



Speaking as an old married person here, 20 years in, we're best friends before lovers.

God i wish Rage had more female members to balance out the usual male stupidity. Thanks very much for telling us how it is.

SubCog Jan 15, 2021 11:30 AM

Normally in these threads I would just point out that she's probably boning another man, but...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck (Post 1338261117)
There are limited amount of times where we have passionate sex, and as soon I think we're finally back on track, she refuses my advances pro bono.

:lol::lol:

Seriously, women are complicated, and there's lots of things to think about.
  • Is she on birth control pills? For many women, birth control pills absolutely kill their libido. We went through this at one point, and my wife eventually went off the pill (after several years on it), and she had quite an immediate explosion in her libido. Of course you will need to find another form of protection. It shouldn't be surprising though, that women want sex when their bodies are telling them to have a baby, and experience less desire when their bodies aren't producing the proper baby-making hormones.

  • Women have lots of deep-rooted psychological issues about sex. Actually men have them too, but men typically have high enough libido to just push straight through any issues. There's a popular book that lots of women say helps them work through many sex issues called Come as You Are. https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-.../dp/1476762090 Maybe buy her a copy?

  • Women's sexually arousal is tied to many signs of masculinity that they are not aware of and may seem counter-intuitive to a guy who tries to be kind and gentle all the time. These are deeply-programmed behaviors that come from millions of years of caveman evolution, often tied to perceptions of strength and domination... rarely tied to being gentle and nice. There's an art to learning to being physically forceful while still being perceptive of her needs. One thing that often gets my wife going is when I kind of pin her against the wall, chest facing the wall, and kiss the back of her neck. Also when I hold her hands down over her head... not so forceful that she couldn't move them if she really wanted to, but strong enough that she understands who's in charge. Her body will understand these cues, even if they don't make sense verbally or cognitively.

  • Some women experience hormone imbalances for no reason. If she can't get her libido up, maybe have her get her hormones tested. For some women, all they need is a testosterone booster to rebalance their hormones.

  • She may just need get some additional sexual experience to boost her confidence and show her what a real man looks like. If you like, I could take her for a weekend, otherwise there's several other guys here who could show her a few things. You'll definitely find her to be a bit looser and more limber when we return her.

Nascar24 Jan 15, 2021 12:15 PM

Sounds like your going to need a boner strecher:bleh:

SubCog Jan 15, 2021 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nascar24 (Post 1338261258)
Sounds like your going to need a boner strecher:bleh:


Sasquach Jan 15, 2021 04:22 PM

Im sorta in the same boat.....




But I just have to wait for the little tyke to grow up bigger so he can either sleep for a longer period at a time (hes only 2.5months old as of this post) ....and for the wife and I to actually find some time for ourselves....

Yeah sex goes on the backburner once baby is in the picture :D

Evileh Jan 15, 2021 04:40 PM

For me and my gf... (we've been together for 8 years, but we don't live together). Anyways, we've sworn it off since cornoa hit, it really affects her hormones bad and she gets all emotional (she's been hurt a lot in the past and abused as a child). Long story short me and her have been getting along better than even since we've not done the dirty. Oh, don't get me wrong, she wants me to take her to pound town and so do I, but, not involving sex makes us work on our friendship a lot more, which is where it all started out in the first place. I also have a **** ton of issues of my own and by doing all this helps her distance herself from me emotionally so when I don't do something right or I'm not helping myself mentally it doesn't effect her emotional so bad because she's not putting so much effort into me and more into herself if that makes any sense. it sucks because I want to show her how much I love her and being with her like that gives us that emotional connection of the relationship. Moral of the story is, sometimes girls are like that man, me and her have a mutual understanding of that though and that's what works for us. Sounds like unless she knows what you want and you know what she wants you're gonna be stuck in this limbo for the time being.

Trunks0 Jan 15, 2021 06:42 PM

IE the best advice given here is centred around learning to talk about it :), so :up:.


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