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-   -   It just gets better O_O (http://www.rage3d.com/board/showthread.php?t=34003620)

JohnEJohn Aug 31, 2013 05:29 PM

It just gets better O_O
 
I'm sure most of you know the shitty year I have endured well today it got even better, my partner of almost five years out of the blue said she's leaving me.

The reasons three fold, she has changed since we met, wants to do other things and we have drifted as I have been working so hard...

I worked hard for the two of us, we were both on board and knew that after this we would be in a good position... I will be earning very good money soon but hey what's life plans eh?

That's all I know as she left and I'm all alone with no one and I have just over a week until I am truly homeless as we were moving in with her mother until I start work, well I thought that we were.

Apparently she has pre planned this for months and wanted to wait until I finished uni first, glad she had plans as I am now ****ed and I honestly believed that this woman had my back, I had hers and would do anything for her.

So there you go, failed marriage wasted a good few years of my life then 5 on this, but hey what's five years eh?

I did say that one more thing would break me and to be honest it has, I have never felt like ceasing to exist before even with my failed marriage as I thought this was it but I really have hit the end game.

bete Aug 31, 2013 05:33 PM

Well that sucks rocks. I'm sorry.

acroig Aug 31, 2013 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323208)
So there you go, failed marriage wasted a good few years of my life then 5 on this, but hey what's five years eh?

I did say that one more thing would break me and to be honest it has, I have never felt like ceasing to exist before even with my failed marriage as I thought this was it but I really have hit the end game.

I would not put it that way. You learned and grew in that time. Find someone who shares the same goals.

SirBaron Aug 31, 2013 05:41 PM

I know how you feel man, wasted 3 and a half years on a woman that "had my back" too.

All I can say is I hope for the best man!

Progression Aug 31, 2013 05:42 PM

Seek any friends, family or any relationships you have right now to hold tight to. Do not give up. Remember that even strangers, like we at R3D, can have your back.

Seriously, do not give up, you are worth more than the situations life throws at you.

Osirus Aug 31, 2013 05:44 PM

sorry man
im having girl troubles myself right now.. not fun..:cry:


:heart: :heart:

zodiak Aug 31, 2013 06:05 PM

5 years is a small price to pay for the opportunity to find the right one and properly build your future. Appreciate finding out now rather than 15 years down the road.
They're not replaceable.

JohnEJohn Aug 31, 2013 06:06 PM

Thanks for the wishes guys and I know that you are right but I have downward spiralled so much that I think I may not be able to pick myself up now.

I feel like such a ****, over the past few weeks I have been helping her pack her mothers car with her stuff as I was finishing my project as I believed that we were moving there and I said I would sort my stuff out asap and then move it across. Instead I have helped move out the woman that I love, yes I have actually helped move her out of my life without even ****ing realising.

The **** I have gone though this year is bad enough but now this on top its overwhelming, I also have other possible stuff that may be happening to me and I am totally rock bottom.

As for friends, I moved 200 miles to be with her years ago, the good old friends that I do have are all now married with kids.

My only option is my parents which I am going to have to take, haven't spoken to them yet and it will be difficult as me an my father are very different people.

zodiak Aug 31, 2013 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323233)
Thanks for the wishes guys and I know that you are right but I have downward spiralled so much that I think I may not be able to pick myself up now.

I feel like such a ****, over the past few weeks I have been helping her pack her mothers car with her stuff as I was finishing my project as I believed that we were moving there and I said I would sort my stuff out asap and then move it across. Instead I have helped move out the woman that I love, yes I have actually helped move her out of my life without even ****ing realising.

The **** I have gone though this year is bad enough but now this on top its overwhelming, I also have other possible stuff that may be happening to me and I am totally rock bottom.

As for friends, I moved 200 miles to be with her years ago, the good old friends that I do have are all now married with kids.

My only option is my parents which I am going to have to take, haven't spoken to them yet and it will be difficult as me an my father are very different people.

Bite the bullet. Being around family and friends will do wonders for you at this point. Reconnect with your friends, IMO, you should have never left your life to start one with her, but that's another story.

It's rare that a woman leaves a man without another lifeboat to jump on (another man or in this case, your mother's place). Don't take it to heart, she had plans on it for quite some time and didn't have the courage or decency to let you in on it until the last moment. You were doing what you believed was in the best interest of the relationship, don't beat yourself up.

JohnEJohn Aug 31, 2013 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zodiak (Post 1337323237)
Bite the bullet. Being around family and friends will do wonders for you at this point. Reconnect with your friends, IMO, you should have never left your life to start one with her, but that's another story.

It's rare that a woman leaves a man without another lifeboat to jump on (another man or in this case, your mother's place). Don't take it to heart, she had plans on it for quite some time and didn't have the courage or decency to let you in on it until the last moment. You were doing what you believed was in the best interest of the relationship, don't beat yourself up.

Fool me twice, shame on me.... I cannot believe what is going on.

The thing that got me is I worked so hard to ensure that we have a silver lined future but that was used against me although that was the plan that we both agreed upon, sacrifice short term for a golden future.

I will admit that I was at fault there, I did work too hard I mean 6 days per week plus but after that we both knew that the gravy train would be approaching and it is already.

I just feel like there is something wrong with me.

bete Aug 31, 2013 06:20 PM

John...you get knocked down you stand right back up. That is as simple as I can put it.

Munkus Aug 31, 2013 06:21 PM

Sorry to hear that John. You deserve better than that.

Redshirt_X Aug 31, 2013 06:26 PM

I have to agree with zodiak here. The...ahem...lady choosing to cut ties when and as she is is all on her; you did absolutely nothing wrong. Obviously you're going to be out of sorts for a bit over this, and it's actually good that you will be/are...because then it'll be easier, even if just a little, to gather yourself up afterwards and do what you need to do for yourself.


(This is where I play devil's advocate for just a moment and say that, in relative fairness, hey--sometimes folks just can't deal with things, and it takes them a while to realize it. And this has been a...complicated period for you, man. She still was all kinds of wrong in how she went about this, from the sound of it, but...)

Lazy8s Aug 31, 2013 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323239)

I just feel like there is something wrong with me.

Yeah, you haven't found a woman who appreciates a guy who works hard for her.

I'm sorry to see you going through this, really....and here's where I have to ask you to take into account what's lost over the net :( but aside from the obvious pain and questions, you're free to move forward making whatever choices you like.

Try not to be hard on yourself...

Progression Aug 31, 2013 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323239)
I just feel like there is something wrong with me.

There's something "wrong" with everyone (you could defintiely argue there's something wrong with the woman who left you!). Don't judge yourself too harshly, you are only human faced with situations unique to you. Don't beat yourself up, life has already done that, don't add to it. :p

Dave Aug 31, 2013 06:29 PM

:( Damn John, sorry to hear it mate. Bete says it best though.

shrike126 Aug 31, 2013 06:30 PM

You know what this means? There's a world of women out there who are no longer of limits. Enjoy the buffet. Distract yourself and this too will pass in time.

Sent from my SPH-L900 using Tapatalk 4

Munkus Aug 31, 2013 06:36 PM

Based on what you've told us, I'd say something is wrong with her not you. And not to make light of it all, but at least be glad you only wasted 5 years with her. Count your blessings.

JohnEJohn Aug 31, 2013 06:47 PM

Thanks guys, means a lot to me as I am very isolated, I gave everything up for her, did everything for her and worked my sacks off to secure a future for us.

I tried calling her but she has deactivated her account....

I have been drinking, that was a definite mistake as I am listening to not very helpful music.

We all have faults and I am no exception, I think that by working so hard I may have doomed the relationship although that was agreed upon to secure a future but it obviously took its toll.

I mean I helped her to walk out of my life by packin her **** and I cannot get over that.

I know there are many more fish in the sea etc etc but I will tell you and I may regret this when I am not dunk but:

When my marriage broke down due to similar reasons (I was at work too much!!!!1111!!) I had to remove my stuff from the house whilst the son I helped raise was crying his eyes out as I was going and was clinging on to my leg, I had to remove and comfort him whilst I was screamed at by her whilst comforting him knowing that I would never EVER see him again., it tore me to pieces and it still does, thinking what has become of him, I often dream about him even now wondering how he is doing.

Despite that, this is somehow worse as I honestly believed that I would never have to worry again.

Now here I am again but I have nothing.

Adanu Aug 31, 2013 06:54 PM

The only thing you did wrong was have **** luck. This is her bullshit, not yours.

I once fell in love with a woman and went into a depression for two months after we broke up. You go over what happened in your head and ask yourself over and over what you could have done differently. You'll get better eventually... but until then you feel like ****.

Redshirt_X Aug 31, 2013 06:55 PM

Even now you've still got a ways to go before you hit "nothing," man. Just, please, no executive decisions about anything until long after you've sobered up...and never mind calling her. At least right now. You'll have a chance to be civil, but for right now just be.

MasterGoa Aug 31, 2013 07:09 PM

You are now free to change your life on your own terms.

Why did you move away from all your family "for her"?

What kind of wife would ask such a thing?

Also, she already disconnected her line?

Ha...

nrs421 Aug 31, 2013 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323258)

We all have faults and I am no exception, I think that by working so hard I may have doomed the relationship although that was agreed upon to secure a future but it obviously took its toll.

Dude, you did nothing wrong. You have to work and to succeed you have to work hard. Unless she wanted you to be a chav there's nothing else you could have done. She knew what she was getting into. That's not your fault. At any rate you working hard was just an excuse. She had this planned for MONTHS according to you. That should tell you something right there. Instead of talking to you about it she decided she wanted out. She's not worth getting upset over.

Cyko Aug 31, 2013 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323258)
Now here I am again but I have nothing.

Bullshit. You've got us.....I know that isn't much but hell, some people don't even have a weird homoerotic online forum that they can turn to!

On a more serious note, if you EVER need to talk PM me and I'll send over my cell number.

JohnEJohn Aug 31, 2013 07:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cyko (Post 1337323276)
Bullshit. You've got us.....I know that isn't much but hell, some people don't even have a weird homoerotic online forum that they can turn to!

On a more serious note, if you EVER need to talk PM me and I'll send over my cell number.

You guys mean a lot to me, I can't even bein to describe how good it is to vent.

Cyko man, you have gone out of your way to make me grounded so many times, I cannot thank you enough, for tonight text is good as I am completely ****ed up, my limey self can be found by the skype id johnejohn3

You guys have no idea how much these messages mean to me, I am sttill in shock to be honest and alone :heart:

Nunz Aug 31, 2013 07:28 PM

I sent you a request John

nycdarkness Aug 31, 2013 07:33 PM

Sorry to hear man. You might not want to hear it, but for someone to plan this kind of **** ahead of time instead of just letting you know at that moment is just ****. Fcking bitch.

zodiak Aug 31, 2013 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnEJohn (Post 1337323239)
Fool me twice, shame on me.... I cannot believe what is going on.

The thing that got me is I worked so hard to ensure that we have a silver lined future but that was used against me although that was the plan that we both agreed upon, sacrifice short term for a golden future.

I will admit that I was at fault there, I did work too hard I mean 6 days per week plus but after that we both knew that the gravy train would be approaching and it is already.

I just feel like there is something wrong with me.

First off, giving yourself the blame for that is bullshit. That's the type of BS guilt she'll try to heap on you to deter the finger from ever being pointed at her. Typical "play the victim" nonsense. Get used to it with women. Don't buy into it.

Don't blame yourself. You both talked about it and you enacted on the plan that you both agreed on. It's not your fault she was either too shortsighted to understand what it meant or too selfish to not be the only thing in your life.

I work 60 hours a week out of town (3 hour away). I'm willing to risk the reward of my (and our future) knowing that time apart could end our relationship. It's worth both the solidification of our future and/or finding out what kind of person I'm involved with. You have to do what's right for you (unless you have kids). Face it, you're only with a person because they make you happy, so focus on doing whats right for you and if they're the right one -- it will work out.

You were lucky enough to find out early what kind of woman you were entangled with. Be glad to be out it now. Don't let a woman become your identity, you are who you are with her or without her.

greyghost Aug 31, 2013 07:47 PM

Man that's shitty.
If you were near here, I'd go out for drinks with ya and point out the other chicks. I'd check them out and make sure they were decent too. ;)
This is all her man - she planned it, and it sure is nasty. Whow.
Just be glad you didn't marry her.

Progression Aug 31, 2013 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by greyghost (Post 1337323304)
Man that's shitty.
If you were near here, I'd go out for drinks with ya and point out the other chicks. I'd check them out and make sure they were decent too. ;)
This is all her man - she planned it, and it sure is nasty. Whow.
Just be glad you didn't marry her.

:up: :p


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